Friday, September 26, 2003
tearful day...
i woke up to a text from my cousin in the philippines regarding her mom:
Mom nearing pearly gates of heaven. May leave n 2days or so.
when i got home this morning (i've been staying at m's house to keep her company, remember?), my mom was already up and using the computer in my room. she was sending out an email of their trip itinerary details. i told her what my text said and she told my dad. they soon called the philippines and i heard my mom talking to my tita (aunt) miriam. her voice was all choked up, trying not to sound like she's crying. and she just kept saying "i love you". it got me all teary-eyed as well. when my dad got on the phone, he wasn't all "verklempt" or anything. but he was super malambing (affectionate) as he told her "i love you" many times and he kept telling her to hang on until they get there. (that's rare, by the way. he's not very affectionate at all.) her son who lives here in la is returning there again too. he was just there last week for a week, came back, and will be flying back again. my other aunt in virginia will be flying back too.
all this was happening as i was getting ready for work this morning and i got a chance to speak to her too. she sounded so weak and tired, but still happy to hear from us. i told her "i love you" too. as i returned to my morning routine, i thought about death as a part of life. it's a part of the circle of life, one of those milestones. at certain ages, there are more frequent milestones experienced, like now, people are starting to get engaged and married. in auntie laine's generation (she's 7 years older than me), her friends are having babies. my mom's generation, the women are becoming menopausal, and my grandma's, well, they're starting to get more and more sick and dying. my aunt is my dad's eldest sister,so she's kinda old too. but with the cancer and all, i don't think it's the age thing.
anyway, i was thinking about the milestones of life, and as i listened to them on the phone, i just thought, in the end, all you're left with is 'i love you's. in the end, it's all about the people whom you've loved and who love you. it's about the people whose lives you've touched, even in the smallest way. tita miriam was my ninang (godmother), but all these years, we haven't been in each other's lives in every day or detail. but i know her. and i know her spirit and soul. i know her kids and her family is my family. i have little bits of memories about her, and i know i am only one of her 30some nieces and nephews. but she's touched my life by her example of love and i love her.
got another text later this morning:
Ma breaths thru d mouth na. Bt she is hapi, her hapiest moment she sed. Smiles pa rin. Beautiful pa rin {translated: Ma breathes through the mouth already. But she's happy, her happiest moment she said. Smiles still. Beautiful still.}
(she's really good at abbreviating in texts to accomodate for the small character limit)
there are times in life when you have to say it. it's important to say it, especially in person, verbally. it's important to show it (like flying halfway around to world twice in 2 weeks), but also important to say it, to let it be known. there are times when you say it in a happy time, like weddings and birthdays, to remind the person, even if it's just taken for granted. then, there are times, when it's sad, and it's so super comforting to know that you are loved by the people whom you love. i'm glad tita miriam will be surrounded by all the people who love her. she's an amazing woman and has touched so many people's lives. we're all grateful to her for one thing or another. i'm glad she's happy and she knows she's very much loved. some people aren't as blessed as she.
please say a prayer that she will be strong enough to see all the people who are returning back to the philippines to see her. pray that they make it in time to see her. my dad's funny... we are told: pray like you've already received what you're praying for. believe that you will receive it. no doubt, just faith in the Lord. my dad... he was just sitting there as i left this morning sitting in the chair a sort of somber daze staring out into space, and he says, "yeah, she'll make it. she'll still be there when we arrive."
in the end, there are three things that last... faith, hope and love. and the greatest of these is love.
Mom nearing pearly gates of heaven. May leave n 2days or so.
when i got home this morning (i've been staying at m's house to keep her company, remember?), my mom was already up and using the computer in my room. she was sending out an email of their trip itinerary details. i told her what my text said and she told my dad. they soon called the philippines and i heard my mom talking to my tita (aunt) miriam. her voice was all choked up, trying not to sound like she's crying. and she just kept saying "i love you". it got me all teary-eyed as well. when my dad got on the phone, he wasn't all "verklempt" or anything. but he was super malambing (affectionate) as he told her "i love you" many times and he kept telling her to hang on until they get there. (that's rare, by the way. he's not very affectionate at all.) her son who lives here in la is returning there again too. he was just there last week for a week, came back, and will be flying back again. my other aunt in virginia will be flying back too.
all this was happening as i was getting ready for work this morning and i got a chance to speak to her too. she sounded so weak and tired, but still happy to hear from us. i told her "i love you" too. as i returned to my morning routine, i thought about death as a part of life. it's a part of the circle of life, one of those milestones. at certain ages, there are more frequent milestones experienced, like now, people are starting to get engaged and married. in auntie laine's generation (she's 7 years older than me), her friends are having babies. my mom's generation, the women are becoming menopausal, and my grandma's, well, they're starting to get more and more sick and dying. my aunt is my dad's eldest sister,so she's kinda old too. but with the cancer and all, i don't think it's the age thing.
anyway, i was thinking about the milestones of life, and as i listened to them on the phone, i just thought, in the end, all you're left with is 'i love you's. in the end, it's all about the people whom you've loved and who love you. it's about the people whose lives you've touched, even in the smallest way. tita miriam was my ninang (godmother), but all these years, we haven't been in each other's lives in every day or detail. but i know her. and i know her spirit and soul. i know her kids and her family is my family. i have little bits of memories about her, and i know i am only one of her 30some nieces and nephews. but she's touched my life by her example of love and i love her.
got another text later this morning:
Ma breaths thru d mouth na. Bt she is hapi, her hapiest moment she sed. Smiles pa rin. Beautiful pa rin {translated: Ma breathes through the mouth already. But she's happy, her happiest moment she said. Smiles still. Beautiful still.}
(she's really good at abbreviating in texts to accomodate for the small character limit)
there are times in life when you have to say it. it's important to say it, especially in person, verbally. it's important to show it (like flying halfway around to world twice in 2 weeks), but also important to say it, to let it be known. there are times when you say it in a happy time, like weddings and birthdays, to remind the person, even if it's just taken for granted. then, there are times, when it's sad, and it's so super comforting to know that you are loved by the people whom you love. i'm glad tita miriam will be surrounded by all the people who love her. she's an amazing woman and has touched so many people's lives. we're all grateful to her for one thing or another. i'm glad she's happy and she knows she's very much loved. some people aren't as blessed as she.
please say a prayer that she will be strong enough to see all the people who are returning back to the philippines to see her. pray that they make it in time to see her. my dad's funny... we are told: pray like you've already received what you're praying for. believe that you will receive it. no doubt, just faith in the Lord. my dad... he was just sitting there as i left this morning sitting in the chair a sort of somber daze staring out into space, and he says, "yeah, she'll make it. she'll still be there when we arrive."
in the end, there are three things that last... faith, hope and love. and the greatest of these is love.
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quotable quotes
-
"To try is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because the
greatest hazard of life is to risk nothing. The person who risks
nothing does nothing, has nothing, is nothing. He may avoid
suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn, feel, change,
grow, live, and love."
~unknown
"It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues."
~ Abraham Lincoln
"live a life that others will remember years from now, NOT because it pointed to you but because of how it pointed to the One who made you."
~ Mark Hart, the Bible Geek
"we grow up learning to become self-reliant, but really we need to be God-reliant"
"we could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors....but they all exist very nicely in the same box"
"never wound hearts that love u, never give them the endless pain, because wounded hearts are like roses that never bloom"
"there comes a time when we have to stop loving someone not because that person has stopped loving us but because we have found out that they'd be happier if we'd let go"
