Thursday, October 02, 2003
friendship tested
some friendships are rather odd. like i've spoken of before, there are some that are low maintenance, but when you go back to them, it's like nothing's changed and you catch up and are still close. i think good friendships are filled with great conversation about life and beliefs, as well as experiences shared together. sometimes, distance and time test friendships. sometimes, difficulties test friendships. sometimes, we do awfully stupid things and we end up testing the friendship. and sometimes, the friendship falls apart, but if it doesn't, it'll make it stronger.
m & i have a very strange friendship, not always filled with substantial conversation. but lots of activities and experiences. i love the "antics of m & dorothy"! we've had sad times when we've cried on each other's shoulders, we've had laughing-out-loud times, and dancing silly in the car. we've had times when we've strengthened each other when we were weak by ourselves. and that's been the friendship. we're both really different, raised differently, with different beliefs. but because we're each other's longest friend, we've become each other's best friend. although there hasn't always been truth to that "best" part. because we certainly don't tell each other EVERYTHING, we hardly even really talk about some serious things in our lives. we sure gossip an awful lot. but we hardly talk about anything that has substance-our beliefs, our inner thoughts and feelings. it comes out when we're talking about something else, but i think we're usually guessing, speculating, and assuming about how the other is feeling/thinking. i don't think we even talk about things much when we're mad about something. but i try really hard to keep the connection there. even when i know she's mad at me, i take the steps to call her to see how she's doing, and eventually, we'll be okay again-but without talking about what actually happpened. i know for most of our relationship (since 7th grade), i've had a hard time opening up to her. somehow, i don't feel comfortable to just bring ish up like that. funny, cuz i'm pretty straightforward with some other people in my life. but to her, i feel the need to be very diplomatic and not say the wrong thing or make things uncomfortable. and that's what gets me into trouble. it usually takes me a couple days to figure out what i'm feeling and how to say it, and it ends up being a big ol' mess, when it didn't need to be that way. and that's what happened again. only, this one really turned out to be a BIG ol' mess, and i don't know if we'll get out of it cleanly.
it will go one of two ways:
1) the friendship will be dissolved, we'll accept that we've got this "fake friendship" as was mentioned, and we'll go our separate ways only to come together during some gatherings of common friends and associations and not even try at this relationship anymore.
or
2) the ish will be busted open and we'll have to talk about the things we never talk about. we'll talk about why we don't talk and why we feel this way. and we'll come out better friends-maybe with a more "real" friendship.
the 2nd happened with k & i (which i also initiated) and we hashed things out, got to know each other much better and are much better and more comfortable friends now. i'm hoping that this will happen with m & i. we're both very upset right now, but i'm hoping for the best. there can always be something good to come out of something bad, and i'm hoping for the best in this one. not just cuz she's my longest friend and after all we've been through, we can't just give up on it. but because i love her like a sister. and as with sisters, you don't always get along, you sometimes take each other for granted, but you're always family. and that's what lasts. i hope this does too.
m & i have a very strange friendship, not always filled with substantial conversation. but lots of activities and experiences. i love the "antics of m & dorothy"! we've had sad times when we've cried on each other's shoulders, we've had laughing-out-loud times, and dancing silly in the car. we've had times when we've strengthened each other when we were weak by ourselves. and that's been the friendship. we're both really different, raised differently, with different beliefs. but because we're each other's longest friend, we've become each other's best friend. although there hasn't always been truth to that "best" part. because we certainly don't tell each other EVERYTHING, we hardly even really talk about some serious things in our lives. we sure gossip an awful lot. but we hardly talk about anything that has substance-our beliefs, our inner thoughts and feelings. it comes out when we're talking about something else, but i think we're usually guessing, speculating, and assuming about how the other is feeling/thinking. i don't think we even talk about things much when we're mad about something. but i try really hard to keep the connection there. even when i know she's mad at me, i take the steps to call her to see how she's doing, and eventually, we'll be okay again-but without talking about what actually happpened. i know for most of our relationship (since 7th grade), i've had a hard time opening up to her. somehow, i don't feel comfortable to just bring ish up like that. funny, cuz i'm pretty straightforward with some other people in my life. but to her, i feel the need to be very diplomatic and not say the wrong thing or make things uncomfortable. and that's what gets me into trouble. it usually takes me a couple days to figure out what i'm feeling and how to say it, and it ends up being a big ol' mess, when it didn't need to be that way. and that's what happened again. only, this one really turned out to be a BIG ol' mess, and i don't know if we'll get out of it cleanly.
it will go one of two ways:
1) the friendship will be dissolved, we'll accept that we've got this "fake friendship" as was mentioned, and we'll go our separate ways only to come together during some gatherings of common friends and associations and not even try at this relationship anymore.
or
2) the ish will be busted open and we'll have to talk about the things we never talk about. we'll talk about why we don't talk and why we feel this way. and we'll come out better friends-maybe with a more "real" friendship.
the 2nd happened with k & i (which i also initiated) and we hashed things out, got to know each other much better and are much better and more comfortable friends now. i'm hoping that this will happen with m & i. we're both very upset right now, but i'm hoping for the best. there can always be something good to come out of something bad, and i'm hoping for the best in this one. not just cuz she's my longest friend and after all we've been through, we can't just give up on it. but because i love her like a sister. and as with sisters, you don't always get along, you sometimes take each other for granted, but you're always family. and that's what lasts. i hope this does too.
Comments:
Post a Comment
quotable quotes
-
"To try is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because the
greatest hazard of life is to risk nothing. The person who risks
nothing does nothing, has nothing, is nothing. He may avoid
suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn, feel, change,
grow, live, and love."
~unknown
"It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues."
~ Abraham Lincoln
"live a life that others will remember years from now, NOT because it pointed to you but because of how it pointed to the One who made you."
~ Mark Hart, the Bible Geek
"we grow up learning to become self-reliant, but really we need to be God-reliant"
"we could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors....but they all exist very nicely in the same box"
"never wound hearts that love u, never give them the endless pain, because wounded hearts are like roses that never bloom"
"there comes a time when we have to stop loving someone not because that person has stopped loving us but because we have found out that they'd be happier if we'd let go"
