Thursday, October 09, 2003
friendster
i have absolutely loved my experience with friendster. it's been great to see who's out there from college days for sure, but most surprisingly and most wonderful are all the old old super old friends i've gotten in touch with through this thing. i've gotten in touch with old friends from my childhood days in the philippines, from st. theresa's college when i went there up till 3rd grade. i keep forgetting that noreen went to stc also. but she went there just until prep (like kindergarten). there was a link to make "stc" your "friend" and there were a whole slew of people there with fond memories of the school, a lot of them moved away sometime as well to different parts of the u.s. it makes me really really nostalgic. i loved that school and my friends and my life there.
when i went back to the philippines in 1999, we visited the only friend whose address i could remember. she lived only 2 blocks away from me and we were busmates since 1st grade. the last time i saw her was in 3rd grade before i left for america. but we kept in touch throughout elementary school through letters. those fell off when we went to high school and college. maybe there were a few emails exchanged. but of course, people grow up and grow apart. so it was really really nice to visit her when we went to pinas. she looked exactly the same! just taller! she said the same about me. we caught up briefly and then i had to leave. and we gave each other a big hug.
when i got back to the van to my family, i was so mad and started crying. i was crying for my childhoood memories and memories that i never had. for a life that i never had. eventhough i know that my parents brought us to this country for a better life and better opportunities, i was so angry that we left a life that i loved. i was yelling at my parents saying, "i don't know why we had to move away anyway!" and everyone was just silent. it was just my childish lack of understanding that needed to come out. my brothers didn't understand why i was crying, and my lil brother (he was only 9 at the time) asked why i was crying. my mom just said, cuz she misses her friends. yeah, my friends, and a life i never had.
i hate that feeling. there are many ways that life could have gone. i wonder how my life would've been had we stayed in the philippines. i wonder how it would've been had i stayed in santa monica and not moved to the suburbs. i always felt like just when i'd get settled and start planning for a future, i would be uprooted. and i'd have to start all over again. maybe that's why it's hard for me to take change. because i seek so badly to have something stable because i didn't have enough stability throughout my youth. i'm not one of those people who has friends from the 2nd grade who are still friends with them now as they're all getting married and having babies. how nice that would be, but i guess it's a lesson of a lifetime... to be able to cope with changes and changes, and even more changes. it's really the only thing that stays stable-the constancy of change. damn, i hate that.
when i went back to the philippines in 1999, we visited the only friend whose address i could remember. she lived only 2 blocks away from me and we were busmates since 1st grade. the last time i saw her was in 3rd grade before i left for america. but we kept in touch throughout elementary school through letters. those fell off when we went to high school and college. maybe there were a few emails exchanged. but of course, people grow up and grow apart. so it was really really nice to visit her when we went to pinas. she looked exactly the same! just taller! she said the same about me. we caught up briefly and then i had to leave. and we gave each other a big hug.
when i got back to the van to my family, i was so mad and started crying. i was crying for my childhoood memories and memories that i never had. for a life that i never had. eventhough i know that my parents brought us to this country for a better life and better opportunities, i was so angry that we left a life that i loved. i was yelling at my parents saying, "i don't know why we had to move away anyway!" and everyone was just silent. it was just my childish lack of understanding that needed to come out. my brothers didn't understand why i was crying, and my lil brother (he was only 9 at the time) asked why i was crying. my mom just said, cuz she misses her friends. yeah, my friends, and a life i never had.
i hate that feeling. there are many ways that life could have gone. i wonder how my life would've been had we stayed in the philippines. i wonder how it would've been had i stayed in santa monica and not moved to the suburbs. i always felt like just when i'd get settled and start planning for a future, i would be uprooted. and i'd have to start all over again. maybe that's why it's hard for me to take change. because i seek so badly to have something stable because i didn't have enough stability throughout my youth. i'm not one of those people who has friends from the 2nd grade who are still friends with them now as they're all getting married and having babies. how nice that would be, but i guess it's a lesson of a lifetime... to be able to cope with changes and changes, and even more changes. it's really the only thing that stays stable-the constancy of change. damn, i hate that.
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quotable quotes
-
"To try is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because the
greatest hazard of life is to risk nothing. The person who risks
nothing does nothing, has nothing, is nothing. He may avoid
suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn, feel, change,
grow, live, and love."
~unknown
"It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues."
~ Abraham Lincoln
"live a life that others will remember years from now, NOT because it pointed to you but because of how it pointed to the One who made you."
~ Mark Hart, the Bible Geek
"we grow up learning to become self-reliant, but really we need to be God-reliant"
"we could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors....but they all exist very nicely in the same box"
"never wound hearts that love u, never give them the endless pain, because wounded hearts are like roses that never bloom"
"there comes a time when we have to stop loving someone not because that person has stopped loving us but because we have found out that they'd be happier if we'd let go"
