Friday, May 20, 2005
it's a miracle
... yes, i'm actually going to post. well, maybe. for some odd reason, i'm a lil nervous, cuz i feel like i forgot how to do this blog thing. it's been a long long while, ya? i figured most of you have gotten discouraged, and i'm pleasantly surprised that there are still those optimistic ones who check every once in a blue moon.
~ where oh where? ~
so if you didn't know, what's occupied my mind, time, energy has been mina and danny's wedding. well, the fateful day of may 14, 2005 has come and gone like the wind and the happy couple are currently in the riviera maya, mexico.
and here, i am, in the quiet of my thoughts. it was kinda nice the first few days, but like all brides, i am having withdrawals from the wedding planning. even jill said she got sorta depressed after planning her wedding. lotsa people have actually been p1mping out my services to other brides-to-be to help them with their wedding planning. i'm sooo totally down for it. at this point, honestly, i'd love to be compensated just by a kickass tip. i'm not exactly sure about how much wedding planners charge, but i figure, if i'm just helping out friends here and there, i don't need to charge an actual amount. it'd just be nice to have a nice "thank you" tip. cuz i do love doing this stuff anyway.
~ drama encrypted ~
certain incidents occurred at the wedding the snowballed into other issues that brought yet other issues to surface. and now i sit here wondering about the fate of my relationships and if there is something i should do more actively or wait to see if things will improve or see if things blow up again. if the 3rd of those choices occur, then i'll be in the same boat again, wondering if i should stay or if i should heed the red flag or ignore it, hoping that it will improve/go away, but with the realization that i may have to accept the fact that it will continue to occur for the rest of my life. and if that's the case, then will i accept that fact and live with it? for...the...rest...of...my...life?
~ and more questions ~
and then there's always the age-old advice that i get from people i trust in my life. just wait and be patient. don't rush into things. but what does that mean? does that mean, continue what i have going right now? even with the knowledge that it may someday end? or not even the knowledge, but the wondering if it will end? and if it will end someday, then shouldn't we not waste time and just end it now? but there are so many implications of that result that would be so sad to lose! but in the long run, will it be better?
so with all this... it's been a rather depressing week. lemme rephrase, it's actually outwardly been a good week, especially cuz today is aloha friday! but i've been rather depressed this week. and i dunno how to get out of it. it's not like i have a resolution, so all i'd have to do is implement it. i don't know what the resolution should be. my worst fear is making the wrong decision in my life. that tends to make me afraid of making choices, so i remain paralyzed.
~ little girl ~
sometimes, i wish someone would just tell me what to do. all of those years my parents told me what to do and i resented them... now, i kinda wanna hear it, but no, they actually tell me that it's my decision to make. great.
~ where oh where? ~
so if you didn't know, what's occupied my mind, time, energy has been mina and danny's wedding. well, the fateful day of may 14, 2005 has come and gone like the wind and the happy couple are currently in the riviera maya, mexico.
and here, i am, in the quiet of my thoughts. it was kinda nice the first few days, but like all brides, i am having withdrawals from the wedding planning. even jill said she got sorta depressed after planning her wedding. lotsa people have actually been p1mping out my services to other brides-to-be to help them with their wedding planning. i'm sooo totally down for it. at this point, honestly, i'd love to be compensated just by a kickass tip. i'm not exactly sure about how much wedding planners charge, but i figure, if i'm just helping out friends here and there, i don't need to charge an actual amount. it'd just be nice to have a nice "thank you" tip. cuz i do love doing this stuff anyway.
~ drama encrypted ~
certain incidents occurred at the wedding the snowballed into other issues that brought yet other issues to surface. and now i sit here wondering about the fate of my relationships and if there is something i should do more actively or wait to see if things will improve or see if things blow up again. if the 3rd of those choices occur, then i'll be in the same boat again, wondering if i should stay or if i should heed the red flag or ignore it, hoping that it will improve/go away, but with the realization that i may have to accept the fact that it will continue to occur for the rest of my life. and if that's the case, then will i accept that fact and live with it? for...the...rest...of...my...life?
~ and more questions ~
and then there's always the age-old advice that i get from people i trust in my life. just wait and be patient. don't rush into things. but what does that mean? does that mean, continue what i have going right now? even with the knowledge that it may someday end? or not even the knowledge, but the wondering if it will end? and if it will end someday, then shouldn't we not waste time and just end it now? but there are so many implications of that result that would be so sad to lose! but in the long run, will it be better?
so with all this... it's been a rather depressing week. lemme rephrase, it's actually outwardly been a good week, especially cuz today is aloha friday! but i've been rather depressed this week. and i dunno how to get out of it. it's not like i have a resolution, so all i'd have to do is implement it. i don't know what the resolution should be. my worst fear is making the wrong decision in my life. that tends to make me afraid of making choices, so i remain paralyzed.
~ little girl ~
sometimes, i wish someone would just tell me what to do. all of those years my parents told me what to do and i resented them... now, i kinda wanna hear it, but no, they actually tell me that it's my decision to make. great.
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quotable quotes
-
"To try is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because the
greatest hazard of life is to risk nothing. The person who risks
nothing does nothing, has nothing, is nothing. He may avoid
suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn, feel, change,
grow, live, and love."
~unknown
"It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues."
~ Abraham Lincoln
"live a life that others will remember years from now, NOT because it pointed to you but because of how it pointed to the One who made you."
~ Mark Hart, the Bible Geek
"we grow up learning to become self-reliant, but really we need to be God-reliant"
"we could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors....but they all exist very nicely in the same box"
"never wound hearts that love u, never give them the endless pain, because wounded hearts are like roses that never bloom"
"there comes a time when we have to stop loving someone not because that person has stopped loving us but because we have found out that they'd be happier if we'd let go"
