Tuesday, August 23, 2005
be careful what you pray for...
you just might get it.
so i was reading old blogs... from all 3 of them for goodness' sake. i noticed i prayed for something. aughhh... yes, i know you're supposed to be happy when you pray for something, because you want it after all. you prayed for it, right? well, i get nervous, because God has a funky sense of humor. you pray for something focusing on one aspect, but then He gives you the entire thing, including the other sides that you didn't think of, negative or positive. and what did i pray for? i prayed for a life and love like my parents. here:
a life not with material riches, but of spiritual ones. filled with many friends, many family... i want that. i want what my parents have, i want a family like mine. can it happen? is it possible? i would love that ride. i would love that life. Lord, you hear my prayer, yea? i lift it up to You, always to You.
oh geez... and i'm nervous about it. i love my family and i love our values and i love our life. but crap, my mama had to raise my brother and me for 3-4 years all by herself in the philippines, while my papa was here in the u.s. starting a new life for us. i remember growing up and aside from her job as a professional manager of human resources for a large hospital, she was selling milk and cookies (literally) as a side job to make extra money! i remember coming across love letters from her to him and him to her, missing each other so badly. i remember christmases spent driving to both sides of the family and my mom having to handle everything. i don't know how she did it. i don't know if i have that strength. and then to sell everything we ever had, pack everything up and move to a strange new country toting 2 kids around? and even after getting here, my dad still worked up north in san francisco while we lived here in so cal for a year! oh goodness...
so when i read my prayer on that one blogpost, i just thought, omg, what did i just pray for?! but alas, yes, this is what i want. we're not a family who has riches. we're not a family who can afford to do whatever we want, whenever we want. my mom has no brand named purses or clothes. we don't aspire to be rich. but as my mom said when i was little, when i asked her,
mama, are we rich?
we're rich in love!
and i just smile. none of that stuff ever mattered. *tearing up* (what's wrong with me?!) i noticed that during this past weekend when i totally missed the people in my house. my house is quaint and my dad has worked really hard to "increase the value" by building things and making it really nice. but as nice as it is, it's not a home without the people in it. my pink and white cottage house might as well have been a mausoleum.
so, knowing God and how He works in my life and how He answers my prayers, chances are, i'll have a life of hardship as well. one of debt and difficulty and helping others even when i can't afford it. but also one of love and devotion and sacrificing for the better life for my family. it'll be a life cherishing each other and doing our best to provide. and having a partner through all of that, encouraging my individualism, inspiring me to be great, loving me despite the annoying habits i may have. i imagine my husband laughing at/with me, just as my dad does at/with my mom. and maybe sometimes, she'll get pikon (hard to translate, but i'll explain later), but in the end, they're each other's partners in love for life. yea, i want like that.
so i was reading old blogs... from all 3 of them for goodness' sake. i noticed i prayed for something. aughhh... yes, i know you're supposed to be happy when you pray for something, because you want it after all. you prayed for it, right? well, i get nervous, because God has a funky sense of humor. you pray for something focusing on one aspect, but then He gives you the entire thing, including the other sides that you didn't think of, negative or positive. and what did i pray for? i prayed for a life and love like my parents. here:
oh geez... and i'm nervous about it. i love my family and i love our values and i love our life. but crap, my mama had to raise my brother and me for 3-4 years all by herself in the philippines, while my papa was here in the u.s. starting a new life for us. i remember growing up and aside from her job as a professional manager of human resources for a large hospital, she was selling milk and cookies (literally) as a side job to make extra money! i remember coming across love letters from her to him and him to her, missing each other so badly. i remember christmases spent driving to both sides of the family and my mom having to handle everything. i don't know how she did it. i don't know if i have that strength. and then to sell everything we ever had, pack everything up and move to a strange new country toting 2 kids around? and even after getting here, my dad still worked up north in san francisco while we lived here in so cal for a year! oh goodness...
so when i read my prayer on that one blogpost, i just thought, omg, what did i just pray for?! but alas, yes, this is what i want. we're not a family who has riches. we're not a family who can afford to do whatever we want, whenever we want. my mom has no brand named purses or clothes. we don't aspire to be rich. but as my mom said when i was little, when i asked her,
we're rich in love!
and i just smile. none of that stuff ever mattered. *tearing up* (what's wrong with me?!) i noticed that during this past weekend when i totally missed the people in my house. my house is quaint and my dad has worked really hard to "increase the value" by building things and making it really nice. but as nice as it is, it's not a home without the people in it. my pink and white cottage house might as well have been a mausoleum.
so, knowing God and how He works in my life and how He answers my prayers, chances are, i'll have a life of hardship as well. one of debt and difficulty and helping others even when i can't afford it. but also one of love and devotion and sacrificing for the better life for my family. it'll be a life cherishing each other and doing our best to provide. and having a partner through all of that, encouraging my individualism, inspiring me to be great, loving me despite the annoying habits i may have. i imagine my husband laughing at/with me, just as my dad does at/with my mom. and maybe sometimes, she'll get pikon (hard to translate, but i'll explain later), but in the end, they're each other's partners in love for life. yea, i want like that.
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quotable quotes
-
"To try is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because the
greatest hazard of life is to risk nothing. The person who risks
nothing does nothing, has nothing, is nothing. He may avoid
suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn, feel, change,
grow, live, and love."
~unknown
"It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues."
~ Abraham Lincoln
"live a life that others will remember years from now, NOT because it pointed to you but because of how it pointed to the One who made you."
~ Mark Hart, the Bible Geek
"we grow up learning to become self-reliant, but really we need to be God-reliant"
"we could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors....but they all exist very nicely in the same box"
"never wound hearts that love u, never give them the endless pain, because wounded hearts are like roses that never bloom"
"there comes a time when we have to stop loving someone not because that person has stopped loving us but because we have found out that they'd be happier if we'd let go"
