Friday, September 30, 2005
sad revelations
so i was thinking about my past relationships and general involvement with the men in my life. okay, this is an understatement because i did a huge analysis on excel regarding this subject, analyzing criteria such as duration of relationship, who broke up with whom, motivation for that involvement, etc. i'd show you the spreadsheet, but let me refrain from displaying the extent of my geekdom. bottom line is... i'm a crappy person, borderline ho. not like when we tease sexy franny and call her a ho. but really, truly. when i think of my past, i'm filled with shame and guilt. and all i can think of is thank God that He forgives and thank God that i've turned away from that life. i always said my guardian angel worked overtime during those years. she's had a breather for the last 3, thankfully.
all this thought solidifies my commitment... i made a promise to myself after my last relationship that i need to stay single for awhile. a long while. for some reason, when i talk to God about it, the period of time He seems to tell me is 4-5 years. of course, i start to freak out because that's a long time to not be with anyone-for me anyway. but prayer after prayer, that seems to be the message He's saying to me. it sounds so long and lonely and a lil scary. but at the same time, it's been such a good 4 months so far. i've developed my relationships more, have had more focus; i actually have goals now and are taking steps toward them. i've been leading quite a healthy lifestyle. He's working on me. and hopefully He's working on my future husband too. may i respect and love him like he deserves.
all this thought solidifies my commitment... i made a promise to myself after my last relationship that i need to stay single for awhile. a long while. for some reason, when i talk to God about it, the period of time He seems to tell me is 4-5 years. of course, i start to freak out because that's a long time to not be with anyone-for me anyway. but prayer after prayer, that seems to be the message He's saying to me. it sounds so long and lonely and a lil scary. but at the same time, it's been such a good 4 months so far. i've developed my relationships more, have had more focus; i actually have goals now and are taking steps toward them. i've been leading quite a healthy lifestyle. He's working on me. and hopefully He's working on my future husband too. may i respect and love him like he deserves.
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quotable quotes
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"To try is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because the
greatest hazard of life is to risk nothing. The person who risks
nothing does nothing, has nothing, is nothing. He may avoid
suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn, feel, change,
grow, live, and love."
~unknown
"It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues."
~ Abraham Lincoln
"live a life that others will remember years from now, NOT because it pointed to you but because of how it pointed to the One who made you."
~ Mark Hart, the Bible Geek
"we grow up learning to become self-reliant, but really we need to be God-reliant"
"we could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors....but they all exist very nicely in the same box"
"never wound hearts that love u, never give them the endless pain, because wounded hearts are like roses that never bloom"
"there comes a time when we have to stop loving someone not because that person has stopped loving us but because we have found out that they'd be happier if we'd let go"
