footprints in my heart...

it's good friday, a day of fasting (all meals today should not add up to one full meal) and abstinence (no meat).

i know i shouldn't complain, but geez, service last night for holy thursday was just really long. it was a multilingual mass, but instead of having different parts of the mass in the 3 languages, they chose to repeat the same things in the 3 languages. so it's like we heard mass 3 times, in english, spanish and vietnamese. but despite the length, it was definitely nice to go and have adoration after. they transferred the eucharist to their hall and they decorated their altar so nicely with candles and flowers. it was all very lovely. and it was peaceful praying in that environment again. nothing quite compares.

tonight, we're going to anunciation instead because the good friday service at nativity is in vietnamese.

so mina and a couple other people are gonna come over to watch the passion of christ tonight. i finally found a copy of it. my parents have the dvd, but i didn't end up going there during the week at all. so yesterday, i stopped at a best buy but they were sold out, so i tried blockbuster but they were all rented out too. but i called target today and they have it on hold for me. yayyyy. it'll be a good good friday meditation. like stations of the cross on dvd. mina was asking if i had tissue. she's getting ready for the cryfest. i wonder if i'll cry this time. cuz the first time i watched it with the bible study group, i didn't cry. along with aaron. and our other friends were like, "what's wrong with you? you're a robot!" i dunno. it's not that it didn't move me cuz it was a powerful film for sure. but it just didn't move me to tears at that time. maybe it's cuz i knew it was for a good purpose? and in the end He'd rise again anyway? i dunno... well, we'll see tonight.

oh and i probably won't be posting more this weekend, so Happy Easter!

especially free food!!! the best things about board meeting days at work are the free food we get to have! they ordered daphne's greek food today and there's so much leftover that i get to have lunch AND bring some home for dinner... yayyy for not having to cook!

Judas's Bargain
14 Then one of the twelve, named Judas Iscariot, went to the chief priests
15 and said, "What are you willing to give me to betray Him to you?" And they weighed out thirty pieces of silver to him.

16 From then on he began looking for a good opportunity to betray Jesus.

17 Now on the first day of Unleavened Bread the disciples came to Jesus and asked, "Where do You want us to prepare for You to eat the Passover?"

18 And He said, "Go into the city to a certain man, and say to him, 'The Teacher says, "My time is near; I am to keep the Passover at your house with My disciples."'"

19 The disciples did as Jesus had directed them; and they prepared the Passover.

The Last Passover
20 Now when evening came, Jesus was reclining at the table with the twelve disciples.
21 As they were eating, He said, "Truly I say to you that one of you will betray Me."

22 Being deeply grieved, they each one began to say to Him, "Surely not I, Lord?"

23 And He answered, "He who dipped his hand with Me in the bowl is the one who will betray Me.

24 "The Son of Man is to go, just as it is written of Him; but woe to that man by whom the Son of Man is betrayed! It would have been good for that man if he had not been born."

25 And Judas, who was betraying Him, said, "Surely it is not I, Rabbi?" Jesus said to him, "You have said it yourself."

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i got to church for noon mass just in time to hear the gospel above. the priests' homily really got me thinking... he mentioned how jesus knew all along that judas had been stealing from their treasury. and he knew all along that he had gone to the chief priests to ask for what they would give him to betray jesus. and of course, he knew all along that he was going to betray him. and yet, through all that, he was still waiting, inviting judas to be with him. the priest reminded us that even as judas kissed jesus to signal the betrayal, jesus still called him "friend".

50 And Jesus said to him, "Friend, do what you have come for." Then they came and laid hands on Jesus and seized Him.

then the priest asked, what was judas' greatest sin? he said it wasn't the betrayal at all. because jesus would have forgiven him for it. judas had actually repented (matthew 27:1-10) for it. the priest said his greatest sin was that he didn't truly believe that Jesus/God would have forgiven him for it. but he didn't have the faith and hope in jesus' resurrection so he ended up killing himself. and it got me thinking... wow, jesus would have forgiven him? that's the guy who turned him in! that's craaazy. then i thought, wow, then pretty much, he'd forgive anyone for anything then. he's just waiting for us to come to him in repentance and salvation.

then my thoughts drifted to what another priest said to our rcia class last week. he was talking to us about purgatory and he totally changed my impression on it. it always sounded rather scary, like people are stuck in a limbo. the priest said that it wasn't anything to be afraid of. he emphasized that purgatory is not hell at all, it's actually heaven. more like a foyer or front room before we can enter heaven just to do the last bit of cleansing our soul so we can enter fully. god truly wants so badly to have us with him and if we just give ourselves to Him, he'll welcome us with open arms, no matter what was in our past. we just need to have faith and hope and trust in his saving love, and truly live for him, not for our own selfish wants or lifestyle. sometimes we hold on to our sins or pain and suffering, kind of like how judas hanged himself cuz he didn't know God's forgiving love. but wouldn't it be better to just give it up to Him and just have Him wash it away, so we can rise with Him?

peace be with you...

here are some pics from our very yummy lunch at redondo beach!

me and uni


clams and oysters too!


didn't get a picture of the crab cuz our hands started getting too dirty to handle the camera. just trust me. it was mmmm mmmmm gooooood :)

and there was a yoyo contest too. this girl hula hooped AND yoyo'd.

this year, i sacrificed alcohol for lent. especially after the back to back bday celebrations of mina and jay, i just thought i needed to lay off the good stuff. i've been pretty good without it as there haven't been many friends' bdays these last couple of months, so i haven't been too easily tempted. but it's the family dinners that have made me crave a glass of wine here and there. and then last weekend, henry and i went to redondo beach and had such an awesome time eating crab and oysters and fresh uni (sea urchin). we were lucky enough to find a seat right in front of the beverage counter so we saw people order pitcher after pitcher of beer on that beautiful warm day. they had an awesome selection with even 3 types of kona beer, and each pitcher was only $6! it would've totally made the outdoor seafood meal sooo much better. but alas, i just stuck to my water and raspberry iced tea. i can't wait for easter!!!!! only 2 more weekends left!

oh, i did cheat once though. being the good catholic that i am, i know the ins and outs of the lenten traditions. so much so that i even know the loopholes. sundays don't count, so one sunday, i had a glass of wine at a family gathering. even my mom confirmed it. she said, yes, every sunday, we celebrate God's ressurection, so it's not part of lent. so there. :P but then, good ol' catholic guilt set in cuz in my heart of hearts, i knew that i had intended to sacrifice all the way until easter; i was just making excuses so i could partake in the wine. poo on me.

let's see, what else happened this lent... oh, i got my joy back. i had been feeling pretty empty and low and just down in the dumps. i knew it had something to do with me not volunteering at st. paul and just generally haven't been doing anything regarding my faith life since we came back from our honeymoon. i guess i had simply been feeling far away from God cuz i haven't worked on our relationship. i've just been really lazy to drive back to the church in la mirada, or even go hear mass during lunch. i was asked to chaperone a retreat up in big bear and i couldn't get a day off work so i'd have to drive myself. i also had a friend's baby shower that i'd miss and other things that i didn't really want to miss. but as much as i really didn't want to make the trek out to big bear to help out with the girls retreat for confirmation, i made myself go and i am so totally glad and grateful that i did. during adoration, i cried my heart out, told Him how much i missed him and just thanked and praised Him for bringing me exactly where i needed to be. as incredibly reluctant and lazy as i was being, it was exactly what my spirit needed to be jumpstarted again. i'll never forget how much the readings and the homily that weekend struck me. it was talking about the israelites grumbling and complaining to Moses when they were trekking out of egypt. apparently, although they were slaves or 2nd class citizens in egypt, the israelites were actually pretty comfortable there. some folks were even considered rich and had some power. so they actually didn't want to leave their comfy lifestyles. God (through Moses) took them out of their comfy surroundings to bring them closer to Him. and i totally saw the parallelism to what i was living. cuz heck, i definitely grumbled all the way up the mountain. i got completely lost, i even thought of just turning around and driving back home. and there was a bunch of traffic too. i was totally cranky when i arrived. but as soon as we went to mass and i heard that homily, i realized that God was bringing me out of my comfort zone in order to just focus on Him. as much as i was there to chaperone the girls, i knew He brought me up there truly to bring me closer to Him again. i was truly grateful and seriously, it was like a huge weight was lifted off my chest and i felt like myself again. :)

how's your lenten sacrifice and journey going?