footprints in my heart...

i'm thankful for:
~ new friends
~ old friends
~ good health
~ slowly decreasing debt
~ savings account
~ family who cooks well
~ shopping with gift cards! whoohoo!
~ challenges to make me stronger
~ friends who make me laugh so hard at work. i've perfected the silent/constipated laugh!
~ the growth of heaven sent-the lil youth ministry we've started
~ days when i can rest
~ the fabulous 570 AM radio station on my drives to and from work
~ a job
~ enough money to be charitable
~ my new snowboard, boots & bindings
~ lessons i've learned
~ you, reading my blog :)

what are you thankful for?

linda does the friday five practically every week and sometimes there are good questions, sometimes not so good. i like this week's:

1. List five things you'd like to accomplish by the end of the year.
~ attend a very warm and happy x-mas party with people i love, not just obligated to be with.
~ finish reading The Purpose Driven Life
~ one good talk with m
~ a solid A on my anatomy class (not just borderline, skimming by)
~ a snowboard trip to practice before we go to mammoth

2. List five people you've lost contact with that you'd like to hear from again.
~ andrew, old friend from college
~ lana, my first aphi lil sis
~ pong, my best cousin growing up in the philippines
~ yvette, my friend from high school and roommate in college for a year
~ brian, old friend from college, whom i flaked on before he moved to new jersey

3. List five things you'd like to learn how to do.
~ to knit
~ to have more discipline
~ how to be diplomatic, while persuasive
~ how to be satisfied with my life
~ how to be a better friend

4. List five things you'd do if you won the lottery (no limit).
~ give at least 10% to the church
~ pay off my endless debt, my significant other's debt, my parents' debt
~ pay for my brothers' educations, and help with my cousins'
~ build me my dream home, build my old yaya (nanny) in the philippines a home for her family
~ buy property in hawaii, tahiti & bora-bora, and the philippines

5. List five things you do that help you relax.
~ get a massage
~ eat comfort food
~ do nothing at all
~ alcohol
~ hug my gl

the list was harder to complete than i thought!

sarah's not the only one who's getting great surprises! i've been really excited to go to skidazzle this weekend. i'm not sure that i was actually going to buy myself a snowboard, considering i've only gone once. but i knew that if i was gonna get it, the convention would provide great deals. and i wanted to look around. plus, i'm just generally getting excited for the snow, which i used to hate.

i was actually rather annoyed with my gl, cuz he said he was gonna come by last night, but it was getting so late already so i figured i'll just see him today. but he insisted on coming over just when i was about to go to sleep. and i couldn't imagine why, because he's usually the first to say, "hunee, i'm tired. i'll just see you tomorrow, okay?" in fact, i was waiting for him to call me so i could tell him to just go home. but he didn't call until he was already down my street, so i had to get my ass up out of bed.

i should've known something was up when he told me to turn on the porchlights. i didn't have my glasses on and i was totally squinting to see what he had. i didn't see anything, until he brought this out from behind him. and i was in shock! i think i was thinking, omg, what did you do?! and i was so confused as i tried to piece it all together. he had been so slick in asking me all this time about splitting the cost of my board with me (i was so hesitant, cuz i wasn't even sure i was gonna get a board), and asking my height one day, and asking my shoe size one day. he had this all thought out and planned out! he even took off from work early to go to the convention. i was sooo incredibly surprised! and then, he started griping about how madness the convention center was and that he'd never go back. i was disappointed cuz i really wanted to see what it was all about, not just for the purpose of purchasing something, but just to look around. so i was bummed to hear that we weren't gonna go anymore. but i started trying on the boots and playing with the bindings. omg, they feel soooo good! and the way they made it, it's so perfectly designed for the ease and comfort and the balance for snowboarding. i'm so excited to use it!

oh by the way, i got the white board with the red hibiscus flowers on it. his sister got the black one with the blue flowers. i thought the white one will look cool covered under the powdery snow, like last year, when people were boarding and it looked like they were just floating on the snow. heheeh, like legolas in that one scene when they were trudging through the snow and he was just floating above it.

thank you my gl! i love my early christmas/anniversary present!

liwanag-light of god is having their benefit concert (to benefit their homeless outreach) on friday. some friends are performing, so please support!

i can't wait to go see rent! it'll be my happy anatomy-class-is-over celebration. planning to see it at the wilshire theatre on december 17, 18, or 19. who wants to come and what day is better for you?

it's an absolutely beautiful day! this is why we live in southern california! november and 78 degrees! i love it! i absolutely love it!!!

by the way, skidazzle is this weekend! they're giving away lift tickets with your $12 entrance.

hehehe! so gl & i went on our first date exactly one year from today. i don't think either one of us knew it was a date at first. we just wanted to hang out. but by the end of the night, yeah, we were pretty sure it was a date. we actually had just planned to see rent the musical. but we also ended up having dinner at the stinking rose after the show. we talked a lot before the show (we were there like 45 minutes early!), during dinner, and after dinner. had an entire bottle of wine just between us, which probably contributed to the enjoyment of the meal and the company.

so it's a year later now, and we wanted to go back to the restaurant for sentimental value. plus, we both remember the food being really good. and it was, i think. but i can't remember what i ate, really. and i can't remember what wine we drank. i just remembered the good garlic spread called bagna calda with whole cloves of garlic that was so soft that it spread so easily on the bread. so we ordered and the meal was fine and good, but nothing absolutely spectacular. and it was rather pricey. but what do you expect from a restaurant on l.a.'s restaurant row, right? i mean, it's across the street from lawry's for goodness' sake. we were eating and wondering what were we thinking last year? i think we were so captured by each other and the atmosphere certainly encouraged that feeling. oh and the wine... yeah i think that was a big help. i guess we thought the meals were great, cuz we just generally had a great time together. funny how the experience makes a total difference in how your perceive your meals. i guess that's why they spend so much on decorating and stuff. well, it worked for us! they got us to come back a second time. well, we knew that we went there for the sentimental value and left there thinking we'd never go there again. not for the food anyway. good, but nothing to fall over for. except for the garlic spread, but i can make that at home.

her blogs make me smile. it brings me a gentle peace inside. thank God for marianne.

i've read this before, but i came across it again courtesy of marianne (saturday, november 8 entry).

it's a long list, what do you take out of it at this time in your life?

I HAVE LEARNED…

...that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
...that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.
...that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
...that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better know something.
...that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do.
...that it's not what happens to people that's important. It's what they do about it, but do the best you can do.
...that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
...that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.
...that it's a lot easier to react than it is to think.
...that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
...that you can keep going long after you think you can't.
...that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
...that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
...that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.
...that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
...that learning to forgive takes practice.
...that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.
...that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
...that my best friend and I can do anything, or nothing, and have the best time.
...that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.
...that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
...that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
...that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
...that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them, and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
...that you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.
...that your family won't always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren't related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren't biological.
...that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
...that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
...that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
...that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
...that sometimes when my friends fight, I'm forced to choose sides even when I don't want to.
...that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
...that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions.
...that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
...that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
...that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
...that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.
...that there are many ways of falling and staying in love.
...that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves get farther in life.
...that no matter how many friends you have, if you are their pillar you will feel lonely and lost at the times you need them most.
...that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
...that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
...that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains.
...that the paradigm we live in is not all that is offered to us.
...that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
...that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.
...that although the word "love" can have many different meanings, it loses value when overly used.
...that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.
...that it's not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life that counts.

-Author Unknown

so.... what do you do when something goes wrong in your life? wrong, as in unplanned, so you're extremely disappointed and frustrated. i know that most people will want to vent and complain and release cathartic energy. and maybe blame someone/everyone for their lot in life. but eventually, they get over it and move on... what if it's so big and you're so angry and bitter about it that it's very hard for you to get over it? what do you do? and what if you're so focused on this problem that you fail to see the blessings that you do have in your life because you're just so focused on this issue that you cannot change at all. dude, wouldn't you just suck it up and move on? cuz crap, you can't change it, it's what you've been dealt in life. you can get mad at God, but you know what, in the end He loves you and just wants you to be happy. so you move on and not let the crap take over your life, right? aughhh!

justice... fair... sometimes life just isn't like that. but in the end, all we're called to be is love. not good, not right, not the best, but love. all encompassing, compassionate, patient, kind, forgiving, and merciful. not just to perform loving acts or to love as a verb, but to BE love. to have it so deep within our being that every thought and action IS love. we are called to be love.

yay, you guys! i finally got to talk to m! remember? my friend that i had a "falling out" with? well, afater about 6 weeks or so, we finally talk again. there had been me leaving messages, and her texting that it's just awkward cuz it's like we're not close, and me texting back that i understand and to just call me whenever she's ready, but nothing other than that. and she finally called me yesterday! so nice to hear from her. but yes, still kinda awkward. but heck, i think it's always been like that. goodness, i wish we could just talk about something more substantial. i have great talks with jei and some other friends and totally feel comfortable about talking to them about anything. they know my history-not just events, but how i felt and my reactions to things. it seems like my conversations with m have always been just about the events. i need to transition this friendship into something more substantial. cuz this is just ridiculous if it's gonna continue this way. it'd be nice to have a real best friend. i'm working on it.

sometimes i blog twice during the day. sometimes i disappear for a week. it's been super busy here at work, which is a good and a bad thing. good, because for the past year, i've been working as a temp here at kaiser. they've been giving me more responsibility lately and i've been working with someone who's really pushing for me to be hired permanently. i've been doing good work and someone's finally noticing, so i've got someone on my side. but it's been busy. really stressful at times and very tiring. now i know why my mom, who worked in HR for years, would come home sooo super tired after a day's work.

and on top of that, i've still got class and stuff. had a difficult test just last night. i was surprisingly well-prepared and didn't procrastinate, which is like once in a blue moon for me.

what else is up with me.... oh! i received my lovely lily necklace from the fabulous bellaceti.com. i've been wanting a green necklace to go with my green, asian-print dress, and this necklace is so perfect. it's so nice that i wanna wear it all the time, except i don't have anything other than the green dress to go with it! aughh... gotta buy something green...

thanx lindakat!

a friend sent me an email and i found the website it came from. horrible and mean, but hilarious! below is my favorite.

this was the premise:
I can draw better, spell better, and run faster than your kids. So being that my skills are obviously superior to those of children, I've taken the liberty to judge art work done by other kids on the internet. I'll be assigning a grade A through F for each piece:


by Rachel, age 7

the caption reads: That's interesting, everyone in this picture is white. Even the rainbow is white. Perhaps in an ideal world, everyone would be white isn't that right, Rachel? Or should I call you RACIST? Nice try, Hitler. F

i don't remember if i blogged about this when i came back from big bear... but you all know the argument: God gave us free will, but He knows what the outcome will be and no matter what we do, we'll end up where His plan guides us to be. so doesn't that mean, we don't really have free will? they're seemingly contradictory thoughts. it's more like fate vs. free will.

here's a letter i wrote to a friend on the subject:
we were having a discussion once about predestination vs. free will. gl and another friend of mine were actually having this rather heated discussion where the two ideas contradicted each other. both are very logical engineers and in the end, it was decided that they were trying to logically work through the difference of the two ideas, but with God, there isn’t necessarily a logic, it’s faith that allows us to believe in both. a good and christian resolution, but not entirely settled.

i recently went up to big bear on that retreat I told you about with the sacred heart sisters. i asked sister jennifer what she thought about it and it was explained in a similar way that you spoke about in your november 2 blog. sister ida (their founder) described it like this: imagine you’re on a high cliff overlooking l.a. and the freeways. you can see what’s going on and you can see the good drivers and the bad moves. you can see the path where the drivers can pass safely and the irresponsible and dangerous paths as well. while you can see all the possiblities, you cannot control the drivers. this is God’s omniscience- He knows all and can see all. he can see all the possiblities for our lives, with whatever choices we make. however, with all his vision, he cannot control us and our decision. we still have free will. what’s nice is, like what you said, he has an optimum plan. he wishes for our ultimate joy to be with Him and He’s got a plan laid out for what is the BEST for us. if we choose something else, we may be happy there too because he loves us, but maybe not AS happy as if we had chosen His best plan for us. i thought this analogy brought to understanding a confusion that most people have about predestination/free will. He can see all the possibilities for all of the choices we make in our lives. He’s got an optimum plan of what He wants for us, but in the end, we still have to choose it. we still have to choose HIM.

i needed to get that down before i forget it.

you know how some blogs are just so interesting to read? some people's lives are just so full of drama and their writing style makes it even more captivating to read. others are just fun and you end up laughing a lot (even as you're at work and trying to laugh silently! others are just really inspiring.

if i've come upon someone's blog and it's really good, i read through the whole entire thing. not just the updates or the recent entries, i mean, i'll start from the very beginning of the archives and read through everything. it's a good way to get to know someone actually.

i recently met someone quite inspiring. i know quite a few people like this now and i think it's a blessing to have them in my life, however small or brief my experience with them may be. i don't know her well quite yet, and i honestly didn't even know how inspiring she is until i came upon her blog. people like her have such a different perspective to see the world, a much more pleasant and peaceful one i think. not that bad things don't happen, but how they see the world, i think, is just beautiful.