Friday, October 31, 2003
ahhh, young love...
my cousin's post...he's a 2nd year in uc riverside, 1st real relationship...sooo super in-love!
You know that feeling you get when you listen to a nice slow jam. It's kinda gay but you know that feeling that makes you want to hug yourself. Well listening to kim is like listening to a slow jam just like that. So yall find a kim in your life and you'll know wut im talking about.. the feelin' ya feel when she got her arms wrapped around your neck from behind you... yall don't know.. but you'll feel it eventually.... i love this gurl so get ova it!
it's cuter than cici missing her j's. awwwww! where's my porcelain throne.....
You know that feeling you get when you listen to a nice slow jam. It's kinda gay but you know that feeling that makes you want to hug yourself. Well listening to kim is like listening to a slow jam just like that. So yall find a kim in your life and you'll know wut im talking about.. the feelin' ya feel when she got her arms wrapped around your neck from behind you... yall don't know.. but you'll feel it eventually.... i love this gurl so get ova it!
it's cuter than cici missing her j's. awwwww! where's my porcelain throne.....
holiday greetings
happy friday and happy halloween everyone! enjoy and be safe!
what are you gonna be for halloween? look what ms. sarah made for halloween! she's so creative. i have yet to see the movie by the way. i really wanna see what the hoopla's all about.
this day is dragging on and on forever and a day. please let the weekend come already.
what are you gonna be for halloween? look what ms. sarah made for halloween! she's so creative. i have yet to see the movie by the way. i really wanna see what the hoopla's all about.
this day is dragging on and on forever and a day. please let the weekend come already.
i love this song!
by Goo Goo Dolls
Could you whisper in my ear
The things you wanna feel
I'll give you anything
To feel it comin
Do you wake up on your own
And wonder where you are
You live with all your faults
I wanna wake up where you are
I won't say anything at all
So why don't you slide
Yeah we're gonna let it slide
Don't you love the life you killed
The priest is on the phone
Your father hit the wall
Your ma disowned you
Don't suppose I'll ever know
What it means to be a man
Something I can't change
I'll live around it
I wanna wake up where you are
I won't say anything at all
So why don't you slide
(i especially love this part)
And I'll do anything you ever
Dreamed to be complete
Little pieces of nothing that fall
May put your arms around me
what you feel is what you are
And what you are is beautiful
May do you wanna get married
Or run away
And I'll do anything you ever
Dreamed to be complete
Little pieces of nothing that fall
May put your arms around me
what you feel is what you are
And what you are is beautiful
May do you wanna get married
Or run away
I wanna wake up where you are
I won't say anything at all
So why don't you slide
Thursday, October 30, 2003
dumbass stories
i was listening to star98.7 this morning and they were telling "dumbass stories". this one just really cracked me up!
a mom called in and described what happened with her kids: her 4-year old son was just obsessed with his pee-pee and was going around telling everyone (regardless of gender), "you have a pee-pee. you have a pee-pee." the 6-year old brother was getting annoyed by this and told the 4-year old, "look, boys have a penis. girls have a china."
a china! hahahaahah!!!
a mom called in and described what happened with her kids: her 4-year old son was just obsessed with his pee-pee and was going around telling everyone (regardless of gender), "you have a pee-pee. you have a pee-pee." the 6-year old brother was getting annoyed by this and told the 4-year old, "look, boys have a penis. girls have a china."
a china! hahahaahah!!!
wine and gay relatives
went to visit my cousin in l.a. last night with my family. he's been here an awfully long time but has been kinda distant from everyone else in the family. i think he didn't know how to come out to us. apparently, he's been living with his partner for 2 years now in this awesome house in l.a. with a great view of downtown. and we've never even met the guy until recently when my cousin's mom passed away.
oh my god, i had the best time ever! right when i entered, they placed a glass of this really good red wine in my hand (with the little wine charms as to not mix up your own glass with another guest's. mine was a little wine goblet). my cousin gave me a great big warm hug. first thing i thought, daayymm, boy looks good! he took me for a tour of the house and i sooo felt like i was in an episode of queer eye for the straight guy. i totally loved it!
quote of the evening: as my cousin was showing me around their house, with all the walls painted fabulous colors in every room, he pointed out the light fixtures and said, {you gotta imagine carson from QE 4the SG saying this with a very l.a. accent} "oh my god, we totally had to change all the light fixtures, cuz they were just ugly." and he did that hand thing, where you let your hand drop at the wrist, as he emphasized ugly.
the house was, of course, fabulously decorated by them, they were both great cooks, great looking guys with great bodies. there's a mini gym area with weights and a treadmill. oh my goodness, if straight guys knew how to take care of themselves like my cousin and his partner, oh my gosh, the girls would be a-flockin' all the time! they totally thought of all these details, like replaced the ugly linoleum in the bathroom with these tiles that were color coordinated with the walls that they painted! and they were so totally creative, carving out a pumpkin to use as a vase, arranging sunflowers and other fall-colored flowers in it to place on the dinner table. oh! and there were no plastic/paper goods used in this dinner. nooo, we used good and proper plates and silverware. oh my god, the silverware is even what is recommended, simple, but elegant. everything was coordinated, but not necessarily matching. everything was thought of, even down to the coffee with dessert as we sat on the dinner table for it. they even had real cream/milk in a pouring ceramic container, instead of like the powdery stuff or having the creamer in its little carton box on the table. it was a casual dinner, but very nice and elegant at the same time. great conversation, getting to know my kuya (older boy relative or friend) and his partner, great wine, great food. it was sooo nice!
i think best of all, i'm glad that my cousin's happy. happy and that he feels comfortable enough now to establish a relationship with us. we're his closest relatives here in the states and i thought it was kinda sad that all this time, he just stayed secluded, away from us. maybe he felt like he wouldn't be accepted by the family, which is reasonable, considering that the religion basically says that his lifestyle is against God's will. but i'm glad my family is very loving and accepting of him as well. i'm glad that he's happy and has found someone to love and share his life with. and i'm glad that he's now able to share his life with his family again.
oh my god, i had the best time ever! right when i entered, they placed a glass of this really good red wine in my hand (with the little wine charms as to not mix up your own glass with another guest's. mine was a little wine goblet). my cousin gave me a great big warm hug. first thing i thought, daayymm, boy looks good! he took me for a tour of the house and i sooo felt like i was in an episode of queer eye for the straight guy. i totally loved it!
quote of the evening: as my cousin was showing me around their house, with all the walls painted fabulous colors in every room, he pointed out the light fixtures and said, {you gotta imagine carson from QE 4the SG saying this with a very l.a. accent} "oh my god, we totally had to change all the light fixtures, cuz they were just ugly." and he did that hand thing, where you let your hand drop at the wrist, as he emphasized ugly.
the house was, of course, fabulously decorated by them, they were both great cooks, great looking guys with great bodies. there's a mini gym area with weights and a treadmill. oh my goodness, if straight guys knew how to take care of themselves like my cousin and his partner, oh my gosh, the girls would be a-flockin' all the time! they totally thought of all these details, like replaced the ugly linoleum in the bathroom with these tiles that were color coordinated with the walls that they painted! and they were so totally creative, carving out a pumpkin to use as a vase, arranging sunflowers and other fall-colored flowers in it to place on the dinner table. oh! and there were no plastic/paper goods used in this dinner. nooo, we used good and proper plates and silverware. oh my god, the silverware is even what is recommended, simple, but elegant. everything was coordinated, but not necessarily matching. everything was thought of, even down to the coffee with dessert as we sat on the dinner table for it. they even had real cream/milk in a pouring ceramic container, instead of like the powdery stuff or having the creamer in its little carton box on the table. it was a casual dinner, but very nice and elegant at the same time. great conversation, getting to know my kuya (older boy relative or friend) and his partner, great wine, great food. it was sooo nice!
i think best of all, i'm glad that my cousin's happy. happy and that he feels comfortable enough now to establish a relationship with us. we're his closest relatives here in the states and i thought it was kinda sad that all this time, he just stayed secluded, away from us. maybe he felt like he wouldn't be accepted by the family, which is reasonable, considering that the religion basically says that his lifestyle is against God's will. but i'm glad my family is very loving and accepting of him as well. i'm glad that he's happy and has found someone to love and share his life with. and i'm glad that he's now able to share his life with his family again.
Wednesday, October 29, 2003
yummy for lunch
guess what i had for lunch? i had very yummy zankou chicken! oooh, it was sooo good, with the chicken smelling so good and tasting so juicy. they gave me 2 of the garlic sauce, and i didn't even finish one. i savor that garlic sauce so much. only thing i was bummed out about was the missing hummus. their hummus is so rich and savory. i especially like it mixed with the garlic sauce. and the servings are so big that i was barely able to eat half! oh well, lunch for tomorrow then!
Tuesday, October 28, 2003
what has our society come to?
with the advent of all the genetic manipulations that i agree have a great benefit and will revolutionize medicine, comes a fine line of messing with nature. i just heard a commercial on the radio for a fertility clinic advertising for couples to preselect the gender of their child. here is also an article on the subject. i've known that they've had the ability to do this for a long time now. and it's primarily to prevent certain sex-linked genetic diseases in offspring. but to choose your child's gender for "family-balancing" or just because you want a girl or a boy? i think it's the beginning of the end.
remember the movie GATTACA? where they had a society where couples bred by selecting exactly what kinds of traits they want to their children to have. they chose the best traits and you ended up with "perfect" kids. those who bred naturally ended up with kids with imperfections like nearsightedness. these imperfect beings were shunned from society and given low-level jobs like being the janitor. that's what this gender selection could ultimately lead to.
as the article posed, selecting for the gender of your child will lead to gender discrimination. and it may have impact on the population of the world too. if people start selecting for more males, there will be fewer females having children. if they select for females, there will be too few males to choose from. and even if this is too farfetched to think about, i think it's too real to just dismiss.
[an aside: i think people would select to have boys more than girls. i heard somewhere that it costs $14,000 a year more to raise a girl than a boy. plus, socially, boys get more opportunities and get paid better than girls. eventhough the gender line is more blurred now than before, there is still a glass ceiling that women hit in most professions. economically, it's just more beneficial to have a boy.]
and then there's the spiritual aspect of it. i believe that with all of our shortcomings and talents, we're all meant to have exactly that, nothing more or less. everyone's got their own challenges and they're for us to deal with. i wouldn't want all my negative characteristics genetically selected against because i think they've made me stronger and i've developed a way to cope and handle difficulty because of my shortcomings. i don't think we have any right to be fooling with God's work. just like abortion, we don't have any right to fool around with life. and i know there will be people making all kinds of pro-choice/pro-life arguments here. i'm not trying to make some dramatic statement about abortion or anything, but i just wonder what great things those babies may have been meant to do or perform in life had they had the chance to do it. i'm always thinking about missed opportunities and talk about missing an opportunity...at life! but anyway, i digress...
people are meant to have the gifts, talents, and shortcomings that they have. somehow, to cure diseases, fine. or even to select for a certain gender in order to avoid a child with disease, fine (although it's pretty borderline). but to select just because you want to have a boy vs. a girl? it has too many repercussions to think about. and maybe that's the entire problem- that people don't think about the repercussions of their actions.
remember the movie GATTACA? where they had a society where couples bred by selecting exactly what kinds of traits they want to their children to have. they chose the best traits and you ended up with "perfect" kids. those who bred naturally ended up with kids with imperfections like nearsightedness. these imperfect beings were shunned from society and given low-level jobs like being the janitor. that's what this gender selection could ultimately lead to.
as the article posed, selecting for the gender of your child will lead to gender discrimination. and it may have impact on the population of the world too. if people start selecting for more males, there will be fewer females having children. if they select for females, there will be too few males to choose from. and even if this is too farfetched to think about, i think it's too real to just dismiss.
[an aside: i think people would select to have boys more than girls. i heard somewhere that it costs $14,000 a year more to raise a girl than a boy. plus, socially, boys get more opportunities and get paid better than girls. eventhough the gender line is more blurred now than before, there is still a glass ceiling that women hit in most professions. economically, it's just more beneficial to have a boy.]
and then there's the spiritual aspect of it. i believe that with all of our shortcomings and talents, we're all meant to have exactly that, nothing more or less. everyone's got their own challenges and they're for us to deal with. i wouldn't want all my negative characteristics genetically selected against because i think they've made me stronger and i've developed a way to cope and handle difficulty because of my shortcomings. i don't think we have any right to be fooling with God's work. just like abortion, we don't have any right to fool around with life. and i know there will be people making all kinds of pro-choice/pro-life arguments here. i'm not trying to make some dramatic statement about abortion or anything, but i just wonder what great things those babies may have been meant to do or perform in life had they had the chance to do it. i'm always thinking about missed opportunities and talk about missing an opportunity...at life! but anyway, i digress...
people are meant to have the gifts, talents, and shortcomings that they have. somehow, to cure diseases, fine. or even to select for a certain gender in order to avoid a child with disease, fine (although it's pretty borderline). but to select just because you want to have a boy vs. a girl? it has too many repercussions to think about. and maybe that's the entire problem- that people don't think about the repercussions of their actions.
southern california's going up in smoke!
i didn't realize how large these fires are or that they're everywhere. just look at this *MAP. you can see the direction the smoke is blowing also.
i also had no clue where the fires were at exactly in the san diego area. i just got word from a good friend that his family's house is right in the middle of it. they evacuated last sunday and have no idea if their house is still standing. goodness! please keep him and his family in your prayers. their dogs ended up stuck in their house as well, so they don't know if they're okay either. i remember just last christmastime when he was all happy to be home because they just got a new stereo system with their big screen tv. but i'm glad they were able to get out early enough at least.
this year's been a tough one for a lot of people. keep them in your prayers.
*photo courtesy of www.yambiguity.com
i also had no clue where the fires were at exactly in the san diego area. i just got word from a good friend that his family's house is right in the middle of it. they evacuated last sunday and have no idea if their house is still standing. goodness! please keep him and his family in your prayers. their dogs ended up stuck in their house as well, so they don't know if they're okay either. i remember just last christmastime when he was all happy to be home because they just got a new stereo system with their big screen tv. but i'm glad they were able to get out early enough at least.
this year's been a tough one for a lot of people. keep them in your prayers.
*photo courtesy of www.yambiguity.com
i dream of...
winnie and brian, with their recent trips have me dreaming of the fabulous hawaiian islands. i would definitely do like winnie and tour myself around not necessarily for the sights (although it'll be hard to miss 'em!), but for the food! i'd use winnie's guide and recommendations definitely. she's got 8 entries so far from her weekend oahu trip and all of them have a ton of great-looking food in it! i especially want to try l'uraku.
i'm so antsy and excited at the same time! i think that'll be my 26th birthday present to myself next year. *sigh* i sure hope to make this dream come true!
i'm so antsy and excited at the same time! i think that'll be my 26th birthday present to myself next year. *sigh* i sure hope to make this dream come true!
Monday, October 27, 2003
what a fun snack!
a co-worker of mine has been bringing in all kinds of snacks. she brings in these yummy wafer snacks from the chinese market and they're square and really easy to pop into your mouth. good thing her desk area is pretty far from me, so i only go there 2-3 times per day. today, she brought in a costco-sized bag of fortune cookies! and you know how some fortune cookies taste icky and have stupid fortunes in them? this isn't like that! i made a reason for me to walk over to her area just so i could grab a bunch. thus far, i've eaten 7 cookies! yumm! and my fortunes have been really fun, not those cryptic messages that are too general to pertain to any one person. i believe that you get personal messages from these lil fortunes and that when you pick them in a restaurant, you end up picking the one meant for you. sometimes it works, sometimes, it doesn't really pertain. well, i've got 7 of them today.
i've got some as vague as: "Your luck will soon be at a high point."
to as specific as: "A letter of great importance may reach you any day now." i'll let you know if i get anything other than bills. oh! i did receive my appointment letter for my citizenship interview. that's pretty important.
heeheh, and do you guys play the in bed game? you take your fortune and add the phrase -in bed to it.
so here's some:
"You are talented with your hands...in bed."
"You never hesitate to tackle the most difficult problems...in bed."
heheeh, these probably won't be coming true anytime soon, not with my carpal tunnel syndrome and my general laziness. hmmm, but maybe in bed, it does come true! hahaha!
i've got some as vague as: "Your luck will soon be at a high point."
to as specific as: "A letter of great importance may reach you any day now." i'll let you know if i get anything other than bills. oh! i did receive my appointment letter for my citizenship interview. that's pretty important.
heeheh, and do you guys play the in bed game? you take your fortune and add the phrase -in bed to it.
so here's some:
"You are talented with your hands...in bed."
"You never hesitate to tackle the most difficult problems...in bed."
heheeh, these probably won't be coming true anytime soon, not with my carpal tunnel syndrome and my general laziness. hmmm, but maybe in bed, it does come true! hahaha!
great homilies
there are some priests who can preach well, there are some who can't. i went to another retreat this weekend up in big bear with the sacred heart sisters. it was nice, relaxing, beautiful with clean air up in the mountains (no ash or smoke in their area). we had Mass of course and on sunday, we went to their parish-st. joseph's and father mike had a fantastic homily. gl, especially, is used to very charismatic and evangelistic speakers from calvary chapel-those with very very good speaking/preaching skills. fr. mike had that kind of aura to him, just a very spiritual, wise, and charismatic feel to his sermon. he spoke in a way that would make you take a stand in your faith and foster and urge a deeper relationship with God.
the gospel was about bartimaeus, who was blind, immediately being restored his sight after asking Jesus, "Master, i want to see." fr. mike contrasted this with last week's gospel where james and john were asking Jesus if they'd appoint them at his right and left hand when He comes into glory, basically asking if they'd be next in line for command/rule. you see, they saw Jesus as an earthly king and leader, and very powerful of course since He's actually king of heaven & earth. and they wanted to have that power too. they asked very specifically, Grant that in your glory we may sit one at your right and the other at your left. it was actually quite arrogant of them to ask that, while bartimaeus simply said when asked what he wanted, Master, i want to see. his phrasing is very significant, because he didn't just ask for physical sight. whether he knew or intended it, bartimaeus was actually asking to see the truth and the light-to have wisdom. he didn't ask to be rich or powerful, he was asking for healing-physical vision as well as spiritual vision. james and john were asking for power. what they didn't understand was that being the kind of leader that Jesus was, entailed a life of service. those who wish to be great will be the servants, and those who wish to be the greatest will be the slave of all.
father mike went on to relate this to how we live our lives. especially with the fires going on around us (there was even a family who had to leave mass early as they found out that their house was on fire!), father mike reminded us that with all the material things we have in our lives, with all that we work for in order to buy that house or attain our degrees and accomplishments, to get that promotion or achieve social status... we need to recognize that in the end, there is nothing but God. we have nothing but God. people get so caught up in the american way of living-the spirit of competition, to have the best, to be the best, to work so hard in order to achieve and buy that house and get those degrees, to have power and control. but like some people are finding, when all those are gone up in the smoke of the fires, what will you have? all there is is faith in the Lord. if we don't live for God, then our lives are empty.
i went on to think about my friends, who at one point or another, many have asked, "is this it? is this all life is-work during the week, hanging out during the weekends?" well, crap, if that's all you do, even if it brings you money and you have fun, it gets old after a while, right? i've heard that the most fulfilling jobs in the world are those of service. and i know that's ideal and all, and that in the world we live in, it's hard to do that because we need money. and i don't know exactly who i'm "serving" in this job of mine where all i do is make sure that the poor, destitute doctors get paid their hundreds of thousands. but the time that i have outside of work, i hope i'm serving God and His people. and it's stressful & busy at times, but i think i'm closer to being happy these days than when i was just doing things for my own self and glory.
the gospel was about bartimaeus, who was blind, immediately being restored his sight after asking Jesus, "Master, i want to see." fr. mike contrasted this with last week's gospel where james and john were asking Jesus if they'd appoint them at his right and left hand when He comes into glory, basically asking if they'd be next in line for command/rule. you see, they saw Jesus as an earthly king and leader, and very powerful of course since He's actually king of heaven & earth. and they wanted to have that power too. they asked very specifically, Grant that in your glory we may sit one at your right and the other at your left. it was actually quite arrogant of them to ask that, while bartimaeus simply said when asked what he wanted, Master, i want to see. his phrasing is very significant, because he didn't just ask for physical sight. whether he knew or intended it, bartimaeus was actually asking to see the truth and the light-to have wisdom. he didn't ask to be rich or powerful, he was asking for healing-physical vision as well as spiritual vision. james and john were asking for power. what they didn't understand was that being the kind of leader that Jesus was, entailed a life of service. those who wish to be great will be the servants, and those who wish to be the greatest will be the slave of all.
father mike went on to relate this to how we live our lives. especially with the fires going on around us (there was even a family who had to leave mass early as they found out that their house was on fire!), father mike reminded us that with all the material things we have in our lives, with all that we work for in order to buy that house or attain our degrees and accomplishments, to get that promotion or achieve social status... we need to recognize that in the end, there is nothing but God. we have nothing but God. people get so caught up in the american way of living-the spirit of competition, to have the best, to be the best, to work so hard in order to achieve and buy that house and get those degrees, to have power and control. but like some people are finding, when all those are gone up in the smoke of the fires, what will you have? all there is is faith in the Lord. if we don't live for God, then our lives are empty.
i went on to think about my friends, who at one point or another, many have asked, "is this it? is this all life is-work during the week, hanging out during the weekends?" well, crap, if that's all you do, even if it brings you money and you have fun, it gets old after a while, right? i've heard that the most fulfilling jobs in the world are those of service. and i know that's ideal and all, and that in the world we live in, it's hard to do that because we need money. and i don't know exactly who i'm "serving" in this job of mine where all i do is make sure that the
Friday, October 24, 2003
not-so-productive...
geez, so let's see, i ended up taking an hour and fifteen minutes for lunch and what, praytell, do i have to show for it? let's see my list again:
~ get mass card for seashelle's family
~ mail mass card to family
~ buy birthday card for mama
~ call my brother in santa cruz to remind him to send her a card or call home tomorrow at least
~ figure out what birthday gift to give her if not the spa day
~ or buy her gift cert to spa day
~ type up agenda for Heaven Sent youth meeting & email to young adult leaders
~ oh, and don't forget to eat!!!
i couldn't forget to eat when my body was starting to shut down on me! i was feeling progressively weaker eventhough the adrenaline of the stress of having so many tasks to finish in one hour was keeping me going.
this is what took so long: i went to my normal church to get the mass card. it took me waay longer to park because they closed down the parking lot for the church festival. then when i finally got to the parish office, they told me they had no more mass cards. just that task alone took 30 minutes. aughhh! but no problem, there are other churches in the area. i got sort of lost finding the darn church, no parking again, but finally got to the parish office. yay, they had a mass card for me! now, where the heck is that post office (cuz i have no stamps)? i know i've seen it around here before... after driving around and around and around pasadena, i gave up when i see that my lunch hour is almost up. i'm actually only supposed to take 45 minutes, but i don't clock in/out, so it's sorta on the honor system. anyway, i gave up on my tasks, but i HAVE to eat! i tried to remember when the last time i ate was. i had no dinner last night cuz everything made me feel sick (darn that time of the month!), so that would mean that the last time i ate was at lunch yesterday, a very nice but small tuna sandwich. i also remembered not having any cash at all, nor my checkbook, so i couldn't just grab something from my work cafeteria. i had to find a place that takes credit/atm card. i remembered this hole-in-the-wall japanese restaurant that takes atm cards and they're good, and they're fast. so at this very moment, i am devouring an unagi (baked eel) rice bowl with avocados, carrots, and those yummy lil masago eggs. oh my god, it's soooooooooooo gooooooood!!!! my body thanks me!
first and last item on the list isn't bad, i guess. they were the most important ones anyway.
update: crap, i just finished my food. i'm alive, but still hungry. this sux! that's what i get for not eating in 24 hours!
~ mail mass card to family
~ buy birthday card for mama
~ call my brother in santa cruz to remind him to send her a card or call home tomorrow at least
~ figure out what birthday gift to give her if not the spa day
~ or buy her gift cert to spa day
~ type up agenda for Heaven Sent youth meeting & email to young adult leaders
i couldn't forget to eat when my body was starting to shut down on me! i was feeling progressively weaker eventhough the adrenaline of the stress of having so many tasks to finish in one hour was keeping me going.
this is what took so long: i went to my normal church to get the mass card. it took me waay longer to park because they closed down the parking lot for the church festival. then when i finally got to the parish office, they told me they had no more mass cards. just that task alone took 30 minutes. aughhh! but no problem, there are other churches in the area. i got sort of lost finding the darn church, no parking again, but finally got to the parish office. yay, they had a mass card for me! now, where the heck is that post office (cuz i have no stamps)? i know i've seen it around here before... after driving around and around and around pasadena, i gave up when i see that my lunch hour is almost up. i'm actually only supposed to take 45 minutes, but i don't clock in/out, so it's sorta on the honor system. anyway, i gave up on my tasks, but i HAVE to eat! i tried to remember when the last time i ate was. i had no dinner last night cuz everything made me feel sick (darn that time of the month!), so that would mean that the last time i ate was at lunch yesterday, a very nice but small tuna sandwich. i also remembered not having any cash at all, nor my checkbook, so i couldn't just grab something from my work cafeteria. i had to find a place that takes credit/atm card. i remembered this hole-in-the-wall japanese restaurant that takes atm cards and they're good, and they're fast. so at this very moment, i am devouring an unagi (baked eel) rice bowl with avocados, carrots, and those yummy lil masago eggs. oh my god, it's soooooooooooo gooooooood!!!! my body thanks me!
first and last item on the list isn't bad, i guess. they were the most important ones anyway.
update: crap, i just finished my food. i'm alive, but still hungry. this sux! that's what i get for not eating in 24 hours!
to do list for today...
goodness, i'm gonna have a busy lunch hour. i'm going up to big bear for a retreat this weekend and it's my mom's birthday too. i haven't gotten her anything yet. i wanted to get her a facial or something like that, but i don't wanna go all the way to glen ivy for it. i wanted to find something local, so maybe i'll take her to the glen ivy day spa in brea mall.
anyway, to do during lunch today:
~ get mass card for seashelle's family
~ mail mass card to family
~ buy birthday card for mama
~ call my brother in santa cruz to remind him to send her a card or call home tomorrow at least
~ figure out what birthday gift to give her if not the spa day
~ or buy her gift cert to spa day
~ type up agenda for Heaven Sent youth meeting & email to young adult leaders
~ oh, and don't forget to eat!!!
happy friday everyone! i'm off to lunch!
anyway, to do during lunch today:
~ get mass card for seashelle's family
~ mail mass card to family
~ buy birthday card for mama
~ call my brother in santa cruz to remind him to send her a card or call home tomorrow at least
~ figure out what birthday gift to give her if not the spa day
~ or buy her gift cert to spa day
~ type up agenda for Heaven Sent youth meeting & email to young adult leaders
~ oh, and don't forget to eat!!!
happy friday everyone! i'm off to lunch!
there have been many people passing away lately. earlier this week, my friend's mom passed away very unexpectedly. everyone's pretty distraught over this one, not just the family, but our friend and other friends. i'm not even super close to seachelle, but this one has definitely hit a spot in many people's hearts. her mom was pretty young, not even 60 yet. and the circumstances were just so unexpected. maybe that's what makes it so disturbing. at least when my aunt died, she was sick for a long time and everyone around had time to get used to the idea that she may pass on. but this one had no warning at all.
but for me, that's not the most disturbing part. i can't help thinking about what would happen if MY mom passed away suddenly. she's soo super strong in every sense of the word, and i couldn't imagine her passing away now. i depend on her so much even when i don't realize it. life would be incredibly harder if she weren't around. i can't imagine how seash is feeling. all i can offer are my condolences and prayers.
but for me, that's not the most disturbing part. i can't help thinking about what would happen if MY mom passed away suddenly. she's soo super strong in every sense of the word, and i couldn't imagine her passing away now. i depend on her so much even when i don't realize it. life would be incredibly harder if she weren't around. i can't imagine how seash is feeling. all i can offer are my condolences and prayers.
Wednesday, October 22, 2003
quote of the day...
hehehe, i liked this one, courtesy of the soon-to-be-superstar, mr. nadal (10.20.03 entry, "i heart ny"):
Call it saran, cuz it's a wrap!
hehehe!
Call it saran, cuz it's a wrap!
hehehe!
Monday, October 20, 2003
carpal tunnel
crap, i'm developing carpal tunnel syndrome. my right wrist has been hurting for weeks and it's getting worse. one benefit is that i get to order some new equipment. i ordered a soft cushiony pad for the keyboard and a whole new ergonomic mouse. one with the ball on top, so that my wrist stay stable. and we have to reconfigure my entire desk area. yaay for new stuff! only thing is that it takes forever and a day to receive stuff we order. by the time they arrive, i very well may need surgery already!
Friday, October 17, 2003
ex's
do your ex-significant others ever go away? even if they're married, even if you're married, do you think they'll leave your life? do you think they should? would you sacrifice a longstanding friendship with someone you are genuinely friends with who happens to be an ex in order to make someone you care about deeply at peace?
it's always about choices... i choose what i have now. cuz as high as i hold certain friendships, it's not worth losing one that i care about more. it's not even worth any strain or slight piece of discomfort.
what do you think?
it's always about choices... i choose what i have now. cuz as high as i hold certain friendships, it's not worth losing one that i care about more. it's not even worth any strain or slight piece of discomfort.
what do you think?
Thursday, October 16, 2003
the gooood doctor
so everyone's been talking about the doctor's nice gluteus maximus (oct. 12). (i learned that in my anatomy class!) i had to be very careful about viewing it at work. so should you.
he's also expecting his 2nd cute baby! congratulations!
enjoy!
he's also expecting his 2nd cute baby! congratulations!
enjoy!
lazy bummm
i've been soo freakin lazy lately! last week, i took practically 2 days off from work. this week, i took yesterday off. my paycheck's definitely gonna feel it, but i've just been so motivation-less. i need me a jumpstart.
i really need to study too. dang anatomy exams! but hey, at least i can be proud that i now know all the bones and all their lil bumps and crevices. hopefully by next week, i can tell you all the muscles too!
i really need to study too. dang anatomy exams! but hey, at least i can be proud that i now know all the bones and all their lil bumps and crevices. hopefully by next week, i can tell you all the muscles too!
Tuesday, October 14, 2003
ethnic groups
hahaah! so part of my job is to verify some data entry for physician's files. part of the new hire packet that is entered is of course the ethnic group. there are only a few and outdated categories:
~ american indian or alaskan native-all persons having origins in any of the original peoples of North America, and who maintain cultural identification through tribal affiliation or community recognition.
~ asian-all persons having origins in any of the original peoples of the Far East, Southeast Asia, the Indian Subcontinent. This area includes, for example, China, India, Japan, Korea, Malaysia, Pakistan, and the Philippine Islands. pacific islander-all persons having origins in any of the original peoples of Hawaii, Samoa, Guam, or the other Pacific Islands. aren't filipinos now considered pacific islanders?
~ black (notice that it doesn't say the politically correct african-american)-(Not of Hispanic origin)-all persons having origins in any of the black racial groups of Africa.
~ hispanic-all persons of Mexican, Puerto Rican, Cuban, Centra or South American, or other Spanish Culture or origin, regardless of race.
~ white (again, notice it doesn't say caucasian) (Not of Hispanic origin)-all persons having origins in any of the original peoples of Europe, North Africa, or the Middle East.
first of all, there are may outdated definitions in this list. but, as i'm only a lowly clerk, i'm not exactly in power to make a significant change in this process.
schooling in irvine has trained us to be very diversity-aware and there are some who really try to erase the color lines out there. i came across one such physician file and i totally cracked up because you know what she indicated on her survey? she didn't select any of the ethnic group and instead wrote in her own box and indicated:
HUMAN
i totally cracked up!!!
edit: was this one of those, you had to be there moments? was this just funny to me?
~ american indian or alaskan native-all persons having origins in any of the original peoples of North America, and who maintain cultural identification through tribal affiliation or community recognition.
~ asian-all persons having origins in any of the original peoples of the Far East, Southeast Asia, the Indian Subcontinent. This area includes, for example, China, India, Japan, Korea, Malaysia, Pakistan, and the Philippine Islands. pacific islander-all persons having origins in any of the original peoples of Hawaii, Samoa, Guam, or the other Pacific Islands. aren't filipinos now considered pacific islanders?
~ black (notice that it doesn't say the politically correct african-american)-(Not of Hispanic origin)-all persons having origins in any of the black racial groups of Africa.
~ hispanic-all persons of Mexican, Puerto Rican, Cuban, Centra or South American, or other Spanish Culture or origin, regardless of race.
~ white (again, notice it doesn't say caucasian) (Not of Hispanic origin)-all persons having origins in any of the original peoples of Europe, North Africa, or the Middle East.
first of all, there are may outdated definitions in this list. but, as i'm only a lowly clerk, i'm not exactly in power to make a significant change in this process.
schooling in irvine has trained us to be very diversity-aware and there are some who really try to erase the color lines out there. i came across one such physician file and i totally cracked up because you know what she indicated on her survey? she didn't select any of the ethnic group and instead wrote in her own box and indicated:
i totally cracked up!!!
edit: was this one of those, you had to be there moments? was this just funny to me?
Monday, October 13, 2003
waaaahhhhh!!!
my favorite new boots got a huge scratch on the heel today! i'm sooo super careful with these shoes cuz i love 'em sooo much and today it got stuck in one of the cracks in the sidewalk on the way to lunch. i didn't look at it until now and there's a big gash on it. i sooo wanna cry!
weekend update 2
after teaching that morning, i made lunch for us and ended up taking a nap. i took lots and lots of naps. most were interrupted, which just made me want to take more naps. i thought i was just gonna sleep the whole saturday afternoon. then caroline called and had 2 extra tix for the red hot chili peppers concert! sooo coool! so my brother and i went with her, jongo, ivy, and greg (other friends from college). had a blast at the concert, except for this one part where in the freakin middle of the show, we were told by one of the ushers that we were in the wrong seats and that we had to move to accomodate these other people who were "supposed" to be in our seats. we wandered around our section for about 10 minutes, while i was getting more and more pissed off because as i wandered around, i found that we WERE in the right seats to begin with! i went back and started to argue with the other guy and when i asked to see his ticket, i told him he was in the wrong section, but because the usher brought them there to our seats, he wouldn't budge. so i found another usher, one with "supervisor" stamped onto his shirt and asked him to lead us to our correct seats. where did he lead us? back to where we were seated in the first place! he basically kicked the other group out. but some of the people were drunk and for some reason was trying to take a picture of me. i turned around just as he snapped the camera, but i was like, crap, what are they gonna do, show it around and say "this is the b*tch that kicked us out of our seats." but dude, they were in the wrong seats!!! when we returned, our neighbor looked at us like, "oh hey, so you WERE in the right seat! glad to have you back." aughhh sooo annoying!!! and it all happened during a really good song too!!!
weekend update
this weekend went by very v e r y s l o w. quite a blessing actually because i got to relax, rest, take lots and lots of naps just whenever i felt like it and spent lots of time with family. on friday, due to joemama's addiction, i satisfied my craving for l&l's hawaiian bbq. i had my chicken katsu which was very yummy for my tummy. it's nice, cheap comfort food. i also go the short ribs for my brother and the hawaiian bbq porkchops for his friend. i didn't think they were as good as the chicken katsu i was having though. i forgot that i wanted to try kalua pork. that's what i should've ordered for them. i heard it was good. we had a nice quiet night just watching tv. i was really looking forward to watching the replay of queer eye for the straight guy. i love that show! it was the episode with the fabio-looking greek fitness trainer, and they cut off his hair. this girl at the dinner they put on was totally all over him. it was a great transformation. they gave him a nice laid back california look.
we had turned on the spa when we came home and i was waiting for it to get hot. it takes about a couple of hours, so we didn't get to go in until about 10pm. we brought a little tv out there and with my brother's playstation, watched X2 while chilling in the spa. it was really nice to just relax. i fell asleep halfway through the movie and figured i should go in before i drown in the 3 feet of hot water i was in. i had the best sleep in a long time.
saturday was really full of nothingness. i had to teach religious education for my mom and the kids were very good. they're in 5th grade, so they're not so rebellious or disrespectful as older kids, but they're old enough that you can talk normally to them without having to oversimplify too much. we talked about sharing your wealth and your gifts to others. funny, some kids flat out said, "no, i wouldn't share. it's not theirs." i'm sitting there thinking, "dude, what'd your parents forget to teach you?" the point of the lesson was that sharing isn't about other people's rights to your things, it's about love. and if you love them, then you should share. and the lesson of the entire faith is loving everyone-good or bad, enemy or friend. part of the lesson was also not being attached to material goods- that the relationship and the helping each other is more important than our material possessions. so if someone else needs it more than we do, we should be able to share our things with them without such reservations. i put it in very real terms to them, as would they share their playstation? oooh, i got such a mixed response. some kids were very quick to answer, yes, i'd give it up. some were more hesitant, but eventually wanted to do the right thing, and some others were so adamant in keeping their toy. and that was just to share it with someone, not necessarily giving it away.
whenever i teach these kids, it always gives me a clue and a lesson as to how i would instill these values in my kids. and especially these few weeks when i've had to play mom to my brother, it's given me such a glimpse of how much responsibility parents have in raising their children. my god, if you give them everything they want, they'll so quickly grow up to be such brats feeling like they're entitled to these things. like the world owes it to them. and then they'll be lazy as heck! but at the same time, when they're little, you want them to have joy and the cool toys and to just play. it's a tough balance sometimes. to let them play, but work hard as well. to enjoy nice gifts, but learn how to share with others. to be a kid, but know responsibility for their actions. our parents have it really tough. and the kids, dude, they see everything. and they copy their parents and older sibling's actions. it's a lot of responsibility to be responsible for this little life. my goodness, and then you get these parents who don't even pay attention to their kids and end up raising serial killers and child abusers. greattttt...
we had turned on the spa when we came home and i was waiting for it to get hot. it takes about a couple of hours, so we didn't get to go in until about 10pm. we brought a little tv out there and with my brother's playstation, watched X2 while chilling in the spa. it was really nice to just relax. i fell asleep halfway through the movie and figured i should go in before i drown in the 3 feet of hot water i was in. i had the best sleep in a long time.
saturday was really full of nothingness. i had to teach religious education for my mom and the kids were very good. they're in 5th grade, so they're not so rebellious or disrespectful as older kids, but they're old enough that you can talk normally to them without having to oversimplify too much. we talked about sharing your wealth and your gifts to others. funny, some kids flat out said, "no, i wouldn't share. it's not theirs." i'm sitting there thinking, "dude, what'd your parents forget to teach you?" the point of the lesson was that sharing isn't about other people's rights to your things, it's about love. and if you love them, then you should share. and the lesson of the entire faith is loving everyone-good or bad, enemy or friend. part of the lesson was also not being attached to material goods- that the relationship and the helping each other is more important than our material possessions. so if someone else needs it more than we do, we should be able to share our things with them without such reservations. i put it in very real terms to them, as would they share their playstation? oooh, i got such a mixed response. some kids were very quick to answer, yes, i'd give it up. some were more hesitant, but eventually wanted to do the right thing, and some others were so adamant in keeping their toy. and that was just to share it with someone, not necessarily giving it away.
whenever i teach these kids, it always gives me a clue and a lesson as to how i would instill these values in my kids. and especially these few weeks when i've had to play mom to my brother, it's given me such a glimpse of how much responsibility parents have in raising their children. my god, if you give them everything they want, they'll so quickly grow up to be such brats feeling like they're entitled to these things. like the world owes it to them. and then they'll be lazy as heck! but at the same time, when they're little, you want them to have joy and the cool toys and to just play. it's a tough balance sometimes. to let them play, but work hard as well. to enjoy nice gifts, but learn how to share with others. to be a kid, but know responsibility for their actions. our parents have it really tough. and the kids, dude, they see everything. and they copy their parents and older sibling's actions. it's a lot of responsibility to be responsible for this little life. my goodness, and then you get these parents who don't even pay attention to their kids and end up raising serial killers and child abusers. greattttt...
Friday, October 10, 2003
poetry in coffee
aughh
too
much
coffee
makes
dorothy
jittery
no food in stomach
to absorb flavored caffeine
and now i'm dizzy
i didn't even realize that last one is a haiku. cool!
too
much
coffee
makes
dorothy
jittery
no food in stomach
to absorb flavored caffeine
and now i'm dizzy
i didn't even realize that last one is a haiku. cool!
Thursday, October 09, 2003
friendster
i have absolutely loved my experience with friendster. it's been great to see who's out there from college days for sure, but most surprisingly and most wonderful are all the old old super old friends i've gotten in touch with through this thing. i've gotten in touch with old friends from my childhood days in the philippines, from st. theresa's college when i went there up till 3rd grade. i keep forgetting that noreen went to stc also. but she went there just until prep (like kindergarten). there was a link to make "stc" your "friend" and there were a whole slew of people there with fond memories of the school, a lot of them moved away sometime as well to different parts of the u.s. it makes me really really nostalgic. i loved that school and my friends and my life there.
when i went back to the philippines in 1999, we visited the only friend whose address i could remember. she lived only 2 blocks away from me and we were busmates since 1st grade. the last time i saw her was in 3rd grade before i left for america. but we kept in touch throughout elementary school through letters. those fell off when we went to high school and college. maybe there were a few emails exchanged. but of course, people grow up and grow apart. so it was really really nice to visit her when we went to pinas. she looked exactly the same! just taller! she said the same about me. we caught up briefly and then i had to leave. and we gave each other a big hug.
when i got back to the van to my family, i was so mad and started crying. i was crying for my childhoood memories and memories that i never had. for a life that i never had. eventhough i know that my parents brought us to this country for a better life and better opportunities, i was so angry that we left a life that i loved. i was yelling at my parents saying, "i don't know why we had to move away anyway!" and everyone was just silent. it was just my childish lack of understanding that needed to come out. my brothers didn't understand why i was crying, and my lil brother (he was only 9 at the time) asked why i was crying. my mom just said, cuz she misses her friends. yeah, my friends, and a life i never had.
i hate that feeling. there are many ways that life could have gone. i wonder how my life would've been had we stayed in the philippines. i wonder how it would've been had i stayed in santa monica and not moved to the suburbs. i always felt like just when i'd get settled and start planning for a future, i would be uprooted. and i'd have to start all over again. maybe that's why it's hard for me to take change. because i seek so badly to have something stable because i didn't have enough stability throughout my youth. i'm not one of those people who has friends from the 2nd grade who are still friends with them now as they're all getting married and having babies. how nice that would be, but i guess it's a lesson of a lifetime... to be able to cope with changes and changes, and even more changes. it's really the only thing that stays stable-the constancy of change. damn, i hate that.
when i went back to the philippines in 1999, we visited the only friend whose address i could remember. she lived only 2 blocks away from me and we were busmates since 1st grade. the last time i saw her was in 3rd grade before i left for america. but we kept in touch throughout elementary school through letters. those fell off when we went to high school and college. maybe there were a few emails exchanged. but of course, people grow up and grow apart. so it was really really nice to visit her when we went to pinas. she looked exactly the same! just taller! she said the same about me. we caught up briefly and then i had to leave. and we gave each other a big hug.
when i got back to the van to my family, i was so mad and started crying. i was crying for my childhoood memories and memories that i never had. for a life that i never had. eventhough i know that my parents brought us to this country for a better life and better opportunities, i was so angry that we left a life that i loved. i was yelling at my parents saying, "i don't know why we had to move away anyway!" and everyone was just silent. it was just my childish lack of understanding that needed to come out. my brothers didn't understand why i was crying, and my lil brother (he was only 9 at the time) asked why i was crying. my mom just said, cuz she misses her friends. yeah, my friends, and a life i never had.
i hate that feeling. there are many ways that life could have gone. i wonder how my life would've been had we stayed in the philippines. i wonder how it would've been had i stayed in santa monica and not moved to the suburbs. i always felt like just when i'd get settled and start planning for a future, i would be uprooted. and i'd have to start all over again. maybe that's why it's hard for me to take change. because i seek so badly to have something stable because i didn't have enough stability throughout my youth. i'm not one of those people who has friends from the 2nd grade who are still friends with them now as they're all getting married and having babies. how nice that would be, but i guess it's a lesson of a lifetime... to be able to cope with changes and changes, and even more changes. it's really the only thing that stays stable-the constancy of change. damn, i hate that.
Wednesday, October 08, 2003
weekend alone
hey, my parents are going to a wedding out of town again, and so is gl... i have a hot tub in the backyard and a bigscreen tv, and a whole lot of wine. anyone wanna come over? say saturday afternoon/night? my parents bought a whole mess of pirated dvds in the philippines, too. who's down?
bad days
dang, i was just reading back this past week, and i guess i really had a bad week, huh? when people say, "aughh i had such a bad day", i never think about the bad stuff that happens to me. nice to know i'm pretty optimistic that way, or as m would say, i look at my world with rose-colored glasses on. but last week, yeah, between my aunt passing away and my parents missing seeing her alive one last time, then my test where i didn't do as well as i wanted to, to this crap with m, oh and my purse got stolen too over the weekend... goodness, hell yeah, last week was rough. i can't quite avoid that when it's blatantly obvious.
but i'm feeling better. after the storm, comes the calm and the sun will shine again. i'm feeling better today, and the day and half off did me some good (except when my paycheck comes! i get paid per hour, so i basically lost $155 from staying home.) oh and the situation did get resolved and m & i are okay. but it'll take time to rebuild i guess. i was just feeling really crappy about myself and my mistakes and wished i could undo them. but oh well. that'll pass too. what can you do about it now, right? and my purse was found by someone who found it in a trash can, with everything intact. i had changed purses and took out my wallet, checkbook, even my lil changepurse. so they didn't find any sort of cash. and they didn't take any of my giftcards at all-there must have been $150 worth of giftcards there! but it was funny, cuz all i could think about when i first found out were my lipsticks! it's so freakin hard to find good lipsticks and i would've been sooo pissed off if i had to start all over again! but thankfully, they didn't, and all is well with the world, except that my purse smells like a trash can. guess it's time to use those giftcards to buy me a new purse!
but i'm feeling better. after the storm, comes the calm and the sun will shine again. i'm feeling better today, and the day and half off did me some good (except when my paycheck comes! i get paid per hour, so i basically lost $155 from staying home.) oh and the situation did get resolved and m & i are okay. but it'll take time to rebuild i guess. i was just feeling really crappy about myself and my mistakes and wished i could undo them. but oh well. that'll pass too. what can you do about it now, right? and my purse was found by someone who found it in a trash can, with everything intact. i had changed purses and took out my wallet, checkbook, even my lil changepurse. so they didn't find any sort of cash. and they didn't take any of my giftcards at all-there must have been $150 worth of giftcards there! but it was funny, cuz all i could think about when i first found out were my lipsticks! it's so freakin hard to find good lipsticks and i would've been sooo pissed off if i had to start all over again! but thankfully, they didn't, and all is well with the world, except that my purse smells like a trash can. guess it's time to use those giftcards to buy me a new purse!
Tuesday, October 07, 2003
out sick
i've been sick these past 2 days. been feeling generally sluggish, achy, and weak. but somehow, i don't think it's because i caught a virus or the flu or anything. i've been feeling really really really bad for what happened with m & i. it was a super huge mess with larger repercussions than i ever thought of. and i guess that's precisely the problem-that i didn't think before acting. in any case, i feel really really bad. equivalent to breaking up with a longtime significant other where you feel like something inside of you just died. i remember feeling like that most of my high school days-just pretty depressed a lot of the time. but of course i had to go to school and continue with my activities. and when r & i broke up after 4 years in college, there'd be days when i felt horrible, but i had to go to class and work and kept busy. but now, i don't think my physical body can take such a large depression of the emotions anymore. so i physically feel like crap. called in sick at work yesterday and this morning. but i made myself come in this afternoon, eventhough i still feel really weak, lightheaded, and achy. oh and my breathing's all out of whack again. (it happens when i'm stressed out.) there was a time when i was driving and my chest totally tightened up and i couldn't breathe, and i was thinking, "oh my god, is this what a heart attack feels like?"
like breakups, healing takes time, and so will this. i just hope i come out of it alive.
like breakups, healing takes time, and so will this. i just hope i come out of it alive.
Friday, October 03, 2003
AIM
You're a CASUAL AIM-ER! Congrats, you're
normal...or you're pretending to be.
like many people, i'm not allowed to have AIM at work. i can't even download the sucker. but i think that's a good thing, or i'd really not get any work done.
but for all you who do use AIM or any other messaging service (like yahoo or msn messenger), find out what kind of AIMer are you?
free food
yummm, i love my workplace! there are always conferences and meetings going on where they order food and there's always food left over! this morning i had a meeting where someone made breakfast. homemade cinnamon rolls that weren't too sweet or gooey. just perfect. and today, this great salad with feta cheese, grapes, dried cranberries, walnuts and cranberry vinaigrette, with pasta and breadsticks. i forgot to pack a lunch or get cash for today. i'd be starving if it weren't for them. God definitely provides!
Thursday, October 02, 2003
friendship tested
some friendships are rather odd. like i've spoken of before, there are some that are low maintenance, but when you go back to them, it's like nothing's changed and you catch up and are still close. i think good friendships are filled with great conversation about life and beliefs, as well as experiences shared together. sometimes, distance and time test friendships. sometimes, difficulties test friendships. sometimes, we do awfully stupid things and we end up testing the friendship. and sometimes, the friendship falls apart, but if it doesn't, it'll make it stronger.
m & i have a very strange friendship, not always filled with substantial conversation. but lots of activities and experiences. i love the "antics of m & dorothy"! we've had sad times when we've cried on each other's shoulders, we've had laughing-out-loud times, and dancing silly in the car. we've had times when we've strengthened each other when we were weak by ourselves. and that's been the friendship. we're both really different, raised differently, with different beliefs. but because we're each other's longest friend, we've become each other's best friend. although there hasn't always been truth to that "best" part. because we certainly don't tell each other EVERYTHING, we hardly even really talk about some serious things in our lives. we sure gossip an awful lot. but we hardly talk about anything that has substance-our beliefs, our inner thoughts and feelings. it comes out when we're talking about something else, but i think we're usually guessing, speculating, and assuming about how the other is feeling/thinking. i don't think we even talk about things much when we're mad about something. but i try really hard to keep the connection there. even when i know she's mad at me, i take the steps to call her to see how she's doing, and eventually, we'll be okay again-but without talking about what actually happpened. i know for most of our relationship (since 7th grade), i've had a hard time opening up to her. somehow, i don't feel comfortable to just bring ish up like that. funny, cuz i'm pretty straightforward with some other people in my life. but to her, i feel the need to be very diplomatic and not say the wrong thing or make things uncomfortable. and that's what gets me into trouble. it usually takes me a couple days to figure out what i'm feeling and how to say it, and it ends up being a big ol' mess, when it didn't need to be that way. and that's what happened again. only, this one really turned out to be a BIG ol' mess, and i don't know if we'll get out of it cleanly.
it will go one of two ways:
1) the friendship will be dissolved, we'll accept that we've got this "fake friendship" as was mentioned, and we'll go our separate ways only to come together during some gatherings of common friends and associations and not even try at this relationship anymore.
or
2) the ish will be busted open and we'll have to talk about the things we never talk about. we'll talk about why we don't talk and why we feel this way. and we'll come out better friends-maybe with a more "real" friendship.
the 2nd happened with k & i (which i also initiated) and we hashed things out, got to know each other much better and are much better and more comfortable friends now. i'm hoping that this will happen with m & i. we're both very upset right now, but i'm hoping for the best. there can always be something good to come out of something bad, and i'm hoping for the best in this one. not just cuz she's my longest friend and after all we've been through, we can't just give up on it. but because i love her like a sister. and as with sisters, you don't always get along, you sometimes take each other for granted, but you're always family. and that's what lasts. i hope this does too.
m & i have a very strange friendship, not always filled with substantial conversation. but lots of activities and experiences. i love the "antics of m & dorothy"! we've had sad times when we've cried on each other's shoulders, we've had laughing-out-loud times, and dancing silly in the car. we've had times when we've strengthened each other when we were weak by ourselves. and that's been the friendship. we're both really different, raised differently, with different beliefs. but because we're each other's longest friend, we've become each other's best friend. although there hasn't always been truth to that "best" part. because we certainly don't tell each other EVERYTHING, we hardly even really talk about some serious things in our lives. we sure gossip an awful lot. but we hardly talk about anything that has substance-our beliefs, our inner thoughts and feelings. it comes out when we're talking about something else, but i think we're usually guessing, speculating, and assuming about how the other is feeling/thinking. i don't think we even talk about things much when we're mad about something. but i try really hard to keep the connection there. even when i know she's mad at me, i take the steps to call her to see how she's doing, and eventually, we'll be okay again-but without talking about what actually happpened. i know for most of our relationship (since 7th grade), i've had a hard time opening up to her. somehow, i don't feel comfortable to just bring ish up like that. funny, cuz i'm pretty straightforward with some other people in my life. but to her, i feel the need to be very diplomatic and not say the wrong thing or make things uncomfortable. and that's what gets me into trouble. it usually takes me a couple days to figure out what i'm feeling and how to say it, and it ends up being a big ol' mess, when it didn't need to be that way. and that's what happened again. only, this one really turned out to be a BIG ol' mess, and i don't know if we'll get out of it cleanly.
it will go one of two ways:
1) the friendship will be dissolved, we'll accept that we've got this "fake friendship" as was mentioned, and we'll go our separate ways only to come together during some gatherings of common friends and associations and not even try at this relationship anymore.
or
2) the ish will be busted open and we'll have to talk about the things we never talk about. we'll talk about why we don't talk and why we feel this way. and we'll come out better friends-maybe with a more "real" friendship.
the 2nd happened with k & i (which i also initiated) and we hashed things out, got to know each other much better and are much better and more comfortable friends now. i'm hoping that this will happen with m & i. we're both very upset right now, but i'm hoping for the best. there can always be something good to come out of something bad, and i'm hoping for the best in this one. not just cuz she's my longest friend and after all we've been through, we can't just give up on it. but because i love her like a sister. and as with sisters, you don't always get along, you sometimes take each other for granted, but you're always family. and that's what lasts. i hope this does too.
quotable quotes
-
"To try is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because the
greatest hazard of life is to risk nothing. The person who risks
nothing does nothing, has nothing, is nothing. He may avoid
suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn, feel, change,
grow, live, and love."
~unknown
"It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues."
~ Abraham Lincoln
"live a life that others will remember years from now, NOT because it pointed to you but because of how it pointed to the One who made you."
~ Mark Hart, the Bible Geek
"we grow up learning to become self-reliant, but really we need to be God-reliant"
"we could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors....but they all exist very nicely in the same box"
"never wound hearts that love u, never give them the endless pain, because wounded hearts are like roses that never bloom"
"there comes a time when we have to stop loving someone not because that person has stopped loving us but because we have found out that they'd be happier if we'd let go"
